One thing
that still gives me the odd sleepless night is worrying about my future
financial security (see The Fear). I know that as a fairly bright and
resourceful woman with more qualifications than stretch marks (and believe me I
have some spectacular stretch marks!) I could find myself gainful employment if
I put my mind to it. However, there are complications…
Twelve years
ago I stopped work as a lecturer to bring up my kids. I had a great job, good
salary and was well respected among my colleagues. However the six-day weeks
and long days weren’t conducive to raising a family. My husband, at the time,
and I preferred the idea of me being at home with the children to employing a nanny so I took the plunge. Bye-bye commuter trains, hello Thomas
The Tank Engine.
Fast forward
through the baby, toddler and pre-school years and I find myself now with two
primary school age children. Somewhat unexpectedly I also have a soon-to-be
ex-husband so it’s time to go back to work. A few years earlier than planned
but apparently things change and I have to roll with the punches!
But I can’t
really see myself going back to my old job. Imagine my letter of application…
Dear Sirs
I would be
grateful if you would consider allowing me to return to my old post. Obviously
I know things have changed and I have missed out on 12 years of business
affairs but I’m sure we can work around that.
Also, I
wonder if we could consider restructuring my hours. I am no longer available for
lectures from 8am to 5pm as before but could probably get there for about 10am
after dropping the kids at school and would realistically need to be away by 3pm
for pick up. Obviously that means I will no longer be available for the weekend
and evening sessions I used to work either. Oh and I know that, unlike schools
and colleges, your business runs all year round but I can’t work during school
holidays – that’s about 20 weeks per year. Plus, if either one of my kids is
sick I’ll need to cancel a lecture at short notice. Similarly I will be
unavailable to work if required to attend meetings on behalf of my children
regarding their academic and social progress, future schools, drama
performances, concerts, physiotherapy sessions, eye tests and so on.
That said, obviously
due to inflation and now that I have children plus am almost divorced, my
financial responsibilities have increased so I would be grateful if we could
also reconsider my salary. In line with my additional outgoings I would
realistically need a salary approximately double my previous earnings.
Also, most
of my conversation is currently with children under 12. If you could ensure
there’s a suitable pool of non-judgemental women with whom I could work that
would be great. Ideally I’d want to avoid those who would like to criticize me
for being a lazy cow and stopping work to bring up my children and those who
would shun me for coming back to work now and abandoning the aforementioned
children.
Also, some
single men would be nice too.
I look forward
to hearing from you in the near future.
Best wishes
SPB
I think it’s
unlikely I’d hear from them ever again let alone in the near future!
But I’m not
one to throw my hands up into the air in defeat. Oh no! Instead I find myself
starting again with work too. I’m going self-employed, trying to build up a
business to support me in the future. It’s flexible enough for me to be able to
fit it in around school and I can still work some Saturdays when the kids are
with their Dad. Plus I’m fortunate to be working alongside the most wonderful
team of people!
Don’t be
fooled into thinking I have this all sorted. Far from it! I still spend much
more of my day working out logistics than actually working. And I spend a lot
of my time running from house to car to school to car to client to car to
Sainsbury’s to car and so on. And there’s still rearranging to do when childcare
falls through at the last minute, the kids are unwell or there’s some other
school emergency to deal with. And I’m not really making much money yet. But
other than that it’s all going swimmingly well!
When it
comes to getting back to work, we’ve got to start somewhere. The question is…where?
So, here are
my top 10 pointers for anyone, single or married, thinking about going back to
work whilst still trying to do their best by their kids:
1. Look
Forward Not Backward
Don’t waste
your energy longing for the old days with the job, salary and reputation you
once had, unless of course it’s still workable in which case yipedy do! Otherwise,
it’s time to look forward not backward. Think about who you are now, what you
enjoy, what your skills are and what role you’d like. Just because you haven’t
been working for a while it doesn’t mean you haven’t learned a thing or two
along the way. And I don’t mean how to purée vegetables.
2. Retrain
Today For A Bigger Tomorrow
If your kids
are in primary school you’ll still be fairly limited to the number of hours you
can go out to work. If you have some funds to fall back on in the short term
it’s worth looking at taking time out to get a qualification that might help
you towards your end goal. Distance learning is great and fits in well with
looking after even pre-school kids. I managed to do a degree in Psychology with
the Open University and didn’t forget to pick up the kids once! If you don’t
have that luxury, consider working part time doing whatever you can by day and
studying at night. It’s hard work but it’ll be worth it in the end – a job you
want and financial independence!
3. Research
Childcare Options
Not having
the cash to afford a nanny doesn’t mean calling it a day. There are other
options. A live in Au Pair can be a more affordable solution if you’re happy to
share your living space. Otherwise you can still share childcare with another
working mum, take it in turns to do school runs to free up time, use childminders or breakfast
and after school clubs, investigate crèche facilities at work or consider help
from friends and family. Otherwise, you’re looking at working around school
hours.
4. Research
Work Options
Not all jobs
require you to be in an office 9 ‘til 5 with a commute either side. It’s time
to think outside the box! The most obvious option is training as a teacher or
teaching assistant. If that suits you that’s great but if not don’t forget to
look into other school based roles too – office, administration, special
educational needs, marketing, bursar etc.
There are
plenty of other jobs you can do based from home too. I’m not just talking about
becoming an ironing or cleaning lady, although both are in high demand. Female
driving instructors are sought after as well as a host of other roles – keep an
eye out for local adverts. Plus there’s a range of sales opportunities (think
Tupperware parties for the 2010s!) including books, make up, kitchen supplies,
greetings cards, intimate personal items…!
On that
subject, I suggest you steer clear of some of the more suspicious mailshots
telling you how much you can make working from home with just a telephone.
Unless talking dirty whilst emptying the washing machine is something that interests
you. And I don’t mean how to get grass stains out of white PE shorts!
If you’re
thinking of a meatier self-employment option, using your skills to freelance in
your chosen area is definitely worth considering. It may not be exactly what
you’ve done before but break down your previous role into its constituent parts
and see where you can apply them.
5. Plan, A
Lot
Planning is
essential. Anyone who knows me will tell you this is indeed my forte! I love to
plan. I love spreadsheets and lists too. My favourite gifts have included a
clipboard and vouchers for Paperchase. Anyway, work out when you need to be
around for the kids and where they’ll be when you’re working. It’s important to be realistic about what’s
achievable in terms of working hours so you don’t set yourself up to fail…
6. Accept
That Plans Fail, Regularly
Despite all
your planning, things will still go wrong. Babysitters don’t arrive, trains get
delayed, kids get sick and schools close for snow days, burst water mains and viral
epidemics! Don’t stress, ride the rollercoaster and go with the flow. This
isn’t a skill I’ve perfected but I’m working on it. Other than that,
contingency plans are good. Having the phone numbers of other mums on speed
dial for emergencies is definitely advisable.
7. Prioritise
Working out
how much money you need to make can be useful, or scary! But at least you’ll
know what you’re working towards. If you’re taking the spreadsheet approach,
firstly, welcome to my club! Secondly, make yourself three columns – what I
need, what I’d like and what I can do without. I need to pay my electricity
bill and I’d like to have the odd meal out but I could definitely ditch the
weight watchers magazine subscription! Seriously, check your direct debits for
things you’ve signed up for that you no longer need like insurance on now
obsolete appliances and deceased pets!
8. Being
Good Enough
Don’t beat
yourself up trying to work and be the perfect mum at the same time. If your
kids are fed, clean and clothed you’re doing a good job. If you generally get
them to school on time with most of their homework done and some of their
clothes labeled you’re doing a great job. If you also manage to organize their
birthday parties, put together their Victorian/Roman/Chicken costumes and get
their hair cut occasionally then you’re doing an amazing job! Give yourself a
break.
9. Plan time
for you
In order to
maintain your sanity, or limit how far over the edge you go, it’s important to
make time for you too. Life isn’t just about work, kids, cooking, tidying,
cleaning, washing, ironing and finally sleeping. You need to have a life beyond
that. Have dinner with friends, maybe go on a date, start a hobby… do
something! And if you’re too shattered to go out, pamper yourself at home when
the kids go to bed with a candlelit bath, gentle music, face mask, manicure and
whatever else you fancy.
10. And
Finally… Do The Lottery!
Well
someone’s got to win!
So, going
back to work is possible when you’re
single with kids – you just need to be open to new ideas. The work you find
yourself doing may not be what you had in mind when you were at school, it may
not even be where you see yourself in ten years time, but it’s a start. Some of
the most fantastic careers and inventions have been built on beginnings that
took an unexpected turn. Who knew that the not-so-sticky adhesive accidentally
developed by Spencer Silver at 3M would six years later become the basis for
the Post-it Note?!
I told you I
love stationery. I know a lot about it. Maybe a little too much…?
Get
list-making ladies!
Love
SPB
xxx
SPB please can you organise my life and business with a spreadsheet please? xx
ReplyDeleteI'd love to! I can add fonts, formulae, colours and everything! You may regret asking… Love SPB xxx
DeleteAnother spot on observation SPB .....not sure how you fit in time to write - must be on the "plan, prioritise" and "to do" lists?! Brilliant writing again. X
ReplyDeleteThanks Jax! Today I was writing on my laptop in my car outside a dance studio in the pitch black whilst waiting for my kids to finish a two hour rehearsal for this weekends dance show. It was so peaceful! Glad you're enjoying the results - of the blog, not the dancing! Love SPB xxx
Delete