tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45056082730963363102024-03-19T03:14:52.584+00:00Single Plus BaggageEnter the mind of a suddenly single 40-something year old woman and mother as she navigates the world. Join her as she faces her fears, manages her emotions, juggles responsibilities and contemplates the dating scene. But more than anything else, she’s finding out who she is and what she’s capable of.Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-27968664218479321222016-04-19T10:53:00.002+01:002016-04-19T16:19:11.364+01:00The Netflix Notion<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14pt;">Those who
know me well or have been following this blog will be aware of my love of all
things orderly. I like plans, schedules, to-do-lists and wherever possible I
colour code. It makes me happy.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">However,
this often leaves me in a bit of a pickle. As a single mum, I have no one at
home with whom to share the domestic chores, not that they were shared in my
previous life but that’s a different story. Plus, as I’m now a working mum
things are a lot more hectic than they used to be. So, my to-do-list is fairly
extensive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But the
thing that begins to cause a problem is that I plan to fit more in a day than
is humanly possible. This is not the realm of the single, merely the
overoptimistic. I constantly underestimate how long a task will take and
overestimate how much time I have. For example, I constantly forget to build in
time to eat meals, go to the loo and answer the phone when it rings. How dare
people interrupt my plans in such a fashion?!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I certainly
never ever choose to schedule time for nice things like sitting down with a cup
of coffee, reading a magazine or the essential task of doing nothing (see
<a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2016/04/lessons-from-health-spa.html">Lessons From A Health Spa</a>).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">As a result,
I fail on a daily basis. Sometimes I manage to fail on an hourly basis. It’s
exhausting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Not only is
it depressing to have a half ticked list, I then shunt all the outstanding
tasks into the next day meaning I start each morning looking at a list of jobs
I should really have already done. Cue an even lower mood.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The problem,
as I’m sure you can see, then builds and builds. My process each day becomes…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">1. Look at
the list and f</span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14pt;">eel down
at how long it is</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">2. Feel
annoyed at the things I should have done yesterday<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">3. Feel
anxious that if I couldn’t do them yesterday I’m unlikely to be able to fit
them in today either<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">4. Look at a
job, such as the ironing, and know I won’t get it finished in the time planned
so ditch it and scour the list for something more achievable<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">5. Start a
job with rising angst, which makes me less efficient and even slower than usual<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">6.
Eventually complete the task and realise the list will not get finished<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">7.
Re-allocate excess items, including the ironing, to other days<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">8. Repeat
steps 5 to 7 until noting I’m late for the school run<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">9. Arrive
last at school pick up without a snack for the kids<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">10. Go home
and do more jobs<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">11. Berate
myself for failing to achieve <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">12.
Completely fail to notice how much time all the planning and re-planning has
taken.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The above is
not a useful format for a successful life – being happy, relaxed and getting
stuff done.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, I’ve
found a new way of doing things. I call it the Netflix Notion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">When the
kids have gone to bed in the evenings, I’ve recently found myself
enjoying the delights of Netflix. I’ve gone from Orange Is The New Black through
White Collar and am now relishing the rather unexpected crush I have on Hugh
Laurie, playing the lead in House. Wow! Who’d have thought it? I’m told I
should also watch him in BBC’s The Night Manager but it’s disappeared from
iPlayer so I’ll have to track that down another time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Anyway, I
should warn you that the joy of such a TV drama can sometimes become a bit of
an obsession. It’s the danger of having full box set, series “on demand” or
Netflix available to you. Binge watching. You watch one episode but then get
caught up in the story and decide to watch just one more before going to sleep.
But then the cliffhanger is so good you have to see the next one too. And then
you don’t get to sleep until 1am! Perhaps that’s just me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Anyway, I
noticed that each episode is 45 minutes long. It goes really quickly but tells
an entire independent story as well as developing the overall plotline leaving
you gagging for the next installment… and another moment with House! So I
decided to bring into play the Netflix Notion.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Last night,
I stood in my kitchen and tackled the ironing pile. It had got to crisis point
as we no longer had any clean-ironed clothes to wear and action needed to be
taken.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But rather
than look at it thinking “this is going to take me hours and I’ll never finish
it and I hate it and I’d rather sit down and I’ll just do it tomorrow even
though I’ll hate the sight of the un-ironed pile of clothes when I get up in
the morning…” I changed by internal dialogue.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Instead, I
chose to iron for one episode, and one episode only, of House on Netflix. Just
45 minutes. Then I would go to bed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But after
one episode, I couldn’t stop. How could I switch off not knowing whether House
was going to… I won’t spoil the plot line for you. Watch it!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So I watched
another, then another and I finished the ironing. I told you there was a lot
there! I was ridiculously, proudly, ecstatically, happy. Sadly, things weren’t
going quite so well for House but, again, you’ll just have to see for yourself
why.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Anyway, I
went to bed, slept better than I have for days and came down to lots of piles
of neatly ironed clothes this morning. I smiled, and then thought to myself
“what shall I spend 45 minutes doing this morning?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I didn’t put
the TV on, that really would be obsessive. But I decided to give myself 45-minute
segments to achieve whatever I could achieve. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So this
morning, I’m writing my blog. Regular readers will probably have noticed this
post and the previous one were a little behind my usual schedule. That’s
because I couldn’t find time to write it and knew how long it took to create,
rewrite, edit, find pictures, add hyperlinks and upload. But today, I’m doing things
differently. I’m writing for 45 minutes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">If I can’t
write my post in 45 minutes then maybe it really isn’t something that fits into
my life right now. And that’s where I’d got to. I felt the same about going
running, swimming, to the gym, painting my nails, filling and enjoying a
relaxing bath. I spent hours not succeeding at doing the chores and deciding
that there was absolutely no way I could fit in any of the nice stuff either.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Again, not a
model for a happy successful life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So here I
am, having written for 45 minutes. I CAN get things done in that time when I
get on with them and stop stressing or trying to do them perfectly. I didn’t
panic about my word count, keep jumping up to do other more urgent tasks and I
even ignored the phone ringing, something that doesn’t come naturally to me.
But this was my time to do what I’d set out to do and I didn’t have to allow
someone outside to intrude on that. First draft done, and as I’m here I might
as well do the edit and find the photo too!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Now that I’ve
succeeded twice, with the ironing and writing, I know I can do it with
anything. So it’s time to give myself permission to do something nice! I’m off
to pour myself a cup of coffee and sit down for a bit of “doing nothing” time
to let my brain wander. And be happy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Trust in the
Netflix Notion. It’s a rubbish name but my 45 minutes are up so I’m moving on!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-89112027015192817202016-04-05T21:34:00.001+01:002016-04-06T07:01:50.374+01:00Lessons From A Health Spa<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The Easter
holidays are in full swing and I’m doing my best to resist the lure of the
chocolate eggs scattered throughout the house. It’s not easy but I’m powering
through. Actually, it’s not as tricky as I thought it would be due to my recent
spa retreat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh17HU3fKYz_0sUkSUCCJJEQ8HFLztldPg6aqJ17ZDL_DZDfvhqQKvQ0ULMxMMegsTW3_WSgBtuXhRFQOJjxWxKjZUtZWOwvP6SY1hsLWynQj6zFZ7DfBaDbh3D3veuan8_rUIFcI0l2jM/s1600/Spa.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh17HU3fKYz_0sUkSUCCJJEQ8HFLztldPg6aqJ17ZDL_DZDfvhqQKvQ0ULMxMMegsTW3_WSgBtuXhRFQOJjxWxKjZUtZWOwvP6SY1hsLWynQj6zFZ7DfBaDbh3D3veuan8_rUIFcI0l2jM/s320/Spa.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, the kids
were away for a few days with their Dad and I couldn’t face being at home
without them, awaiting the arrival of the Easter Bunny. Instead, I decided to
treat myself and go to a health spa. If you don’t deserve a relaxing break when
your Decree Absolute</span><span style="font-family: calibri; font-size: 14pt;"> finally arrives (see </span><a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2016/03/a-time-for-macaroni-cheese.html" style="font-family: calibri; font-size: 14pt;">A Time For Macaroni Cheese</a><span style="font-family: calibri; font-size: 14pt;">) then when do
you?!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I packed up
my fitness magazines, meditation manual, gym gear, swimming costume, a couple
of books and I was good to go! I was looking forward to a rest for both body
and mind. Some relaxation, a modicum of exercise and a healthy serving of
nutritious food. Was it wrong to stop for a bacon roll on the way in
preparation for my stay?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I was
grateful for the carb-sugar boost actually as my relaxing spa break didn’t really
start well. Nowhere to park, the robe they gave me was way too small (lacking
in subtly, I felt), the consultant for my first appointment didn’t show up, one
of the treatments I’d pre-booked didn’t even exist (still not really sure how
that happened), the lamps in my room didn’t work and the over-bath shower
screen had to be propped open by wedging a face cloth underneath it. But apart
from that, it was lovely. I was trying to think calming thoughts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Determined
to make the most of my time away I’d booked some treatments in advance, allowing
myself plenty of time for quiet relaxation as well as the pampering itself.
They even emailed me my schedule before I arrived! I know this idea may fill
some of you with dread but trust me, I am a much more relaxed person when I’m
organized.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">My focus
over the last couple of years has been on survival. Getting through each day intact
whilst wading through piles of papers relating to separation, divorce,
financial planning, house sale, house purchase, utilities, secondary school
options, kids medical appointments etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I got bogged
down in the detail and forgot to stop. I spent so much time trying to achieve
an extensive fully ticked to-do list each day that I was missing out on the
bigger picture. I forgot to take care of myself and enjoy life. My weekend away
was truly enlightening and I discovered some really interesting things…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">1. My Right
Side Is Wonky, My Left Will Follow Shortly<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">In an
attempt to ease the ache in my shoulders and neck I made an appointment with an
osteopath. The “discomfort” I had been suffering is not merely down to my age, as
I feared, but my appalling posture, which in turn had also caused what I had
previously suspected to be tennis elbow. Basically, if you’re feeling insecure
and curve your head and shoulders in or if you hunch over a laptop or i-device
for most of your day you are constantly engaging your upper back, shoulder and
neck muscles whilst disengaging your front pectorals. This leads to the former
hurting and the latter weakening. I think that’s right. So it’s time to stand
tall, lift my head up, put my shoulders back and stick my boobs out apparently.
I seem to recall writing similar advice about flirting although in a slightly
less overtly sexually aggressive manner (see <a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/dont-look-down.html">Don’t Look Down</a>).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">2. I Am Overweight<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">This
information was not news to me. However, I had been trying my best to be at one
with my body, love myself and be happy in my own skin. The trouble is, I’m none
of those things. So I can either feel miserable about it every time I catch
sight of myself in the mirror or do something about it. As it’s my new policy
in life to be happy, I’m going with the latter… no more bacon rolls for me!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">3. I Look
Better In Gym Clothes Than A Spa Robe<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The spa robe
gave me a marshmallow like quality that I wasn’t altogether happy with. No
definition, no waist, just a blob. On the upside, I looked reasonably ok in my closer
fitting gym clothes. It’s all about wearing the right thing for you and your
body (see <a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/whos-up-for-some-zhooshing.html">Who’s Up For Some Zhooshing</a>). I vowed to wear my gym gear more often…
and exercise in it too!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">4. I Can
Dance Like Darcey Bussell<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Ok that’s a
stretch. I mean I took a dance exercise class called DDMix co-created by Darcey
Bussell. I loved it. I looked like a grinning beetroot by the end with an
endorphin overload that made my mind want more than my body could provide but I
WILL dance again!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">5. I Want To
Run Away… And Come Back Again<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Specifically,
I want to run 10k then go home with my medal and enjoy a relaxing bath. I’ve
done a couple of 5ks and always talked about maybe doing a 10k. So, why not?
Surely I can’t be too busy to get fit? If I combine my running with getting
outside and having fitness fun with the kids plus exercising the dog I’m
ticking three things off my list in one go. How efficient is that? It’s a
win-win-win! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">6. I Need To
Buy A Bicycle<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Why haven’t
I done it yet? The kids want to cycle in the lovely, safe, flat area where we
now live so I let them go out and watch the clock to make sure they’re back in
one piece at the appointed time. Err… I could go with them! I tell them I can’t
go because I haven’t got a bike. Err… I could buy a bike! The three of us, on
our bikes, with a picnic in my rucksack. What’s not to love? Except if it
rains. I have my limits.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">7. Swimming
Is So Much Better Than Drowning<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I mean that
literally and metaphorically. In literal terms, I love the quiet of swimming.
The muffled distant sound of people laughing around me. But, what I hear most
is my breathing, exhaling through my nose under the water before bobbing back
up for air. I’m in my own world. And that’s where the metaphorical swimming not
drowning comes in too. Sometimes, we just need to block out the noise of life
to concentrate on our own bodies and wellbeing…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">8.
Meditation Calms<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">You don’t
need to wear a special robe, sit in an impossibly torturous lotus position or
chant words you have no translation for. Ten minutes a couple of times of day,
sitting straight-backed on a pillow on the floor, hands on knees or thighs,
just breathing. That’s it. Thoughts can come and go, but you always come back
to focusing on your breath, in and out. I’d forgotten how calm I felt after a
short session and oddly how much taller I feel. The more you do it, the easier
it gets.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">9.
Mindfulness Rocks<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Ruby Wax. Mindfulness
For The Frazzled. Read it now! Everybody! I’m working my way through the book
but I am mightily impressed by this woman so far. I’d previously written her off
as a loud mouthed, brash, American pain in the neck but I was so wrong. It’s
not just the Masters Degree she gained from Oxford that’s won me over. It’s
like she KNOWS ME! She even knows my first waking thought of each day! Anyway,
here’s the thing. We spend time and money planning our future - what to cook
for dinner, where to celebrate the kids’ birthdays, which holiday destination
to pick and so on. Yet all we do when we get to the thing we’ve planned for so
hard is worry about what’s happened in the recent past or plan for and panic
about what’s coming up next. We don’t savour our food, have fun at the kids’
parties or truly enjoy our holidays. We need to practise living in the moment.
I’m not exactly sure how to do it yet as I haven’t got to that chapter but I am
definitely going to keep reading. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">10. Doing
Nothing Is Essential<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Downtime is
crucial to rest, remember who we are, recall what we value, repair ourselves
physically and recharge ourselves mentally. I did a lot of nothing this
weekend. We spend so much of our time “doing” but we feel guilty for having a
lie in, sitting down before the ironing basket’s empty or enjoying the view
from a park bench mid dog walk. Doing nothing has a bad reputation, but I feel
so much better for it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, now the
kids and I are all back home together – running, cycling, swimming and eating more
healthily too, but still enjoying a sensible amount of chocolate! I feel
physically recharged, mentally rebooted and ready to enjoy my life again. Long
may this feeling continue!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But I
wouldn’t be in this frame of mind if I hadn’t stopped to do nothing for a
while. I wouldn’t have discovered points 1 to 9 if it wasn’t for number 10. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">If you take just
one thing away from reading my ramblings today, let it be this. Find fifteen
minutes to do nothing. Sit in a quiet room with no distractions. Stand in the
garden looking up to the sky. Walk through the woods without your children or
dogs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Just let
your mind wander wherever it wants to go. Allow yourself to be relaxed enough
for interests to surface rather than chores, solutions rather than problems, curiosity
rather than necessity, creativity rather than routine. You’ll be so much more
effective for it. And you might just find a bit of you that you thought you’d
lost…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Right, now
where’s my sports bra?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-73009292896239808612016-03-20T00:07:00.002+00:002016-03-20T00:07:19.711+00:00A Respectable Period Of Mourning<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">It’s been a
strange couple of weeks in my world. A funeral, an over 40s MOT style health
check, the arrival of my divorce, both kids home sick for a whole week, a
school parents’ evening followed by drinks with my ex-husband, another funeral
and almost a comedy night but I had to cancel due to the aforementioned sick
children. I really could have done with the laugh.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">And that’s
just the edited highlights. Don’t forget to factor in the usual work, washing,
ironing, cooking, shopping etc. Firstly, I’m mentally and physically exhausted.
Secondly, I appear to have developed a slightly wonky sense of what’s
appropriate in any given setting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I already
fessed up to the potentially inappropriate attire at the first funeral regarding
my sexy boots and red nails (see <a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2016/03/a-time-for-macaroni-cheese.html">A Time For Macaroni Cheese</a>). Regardless of
theses reservations, I wore the same outfit to the second funeral. This time,
however, there were no red nails but that was more to do with not having time
to paint them rather than any moral decision on my part.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">However, it
seems my inappropriateness knows no bounds. At funeral number two, I actually
flirted with the celebrant! What was I thinking? And he used to be a vicar!
After coming to my senses, and also realizing he was in fact married, I clearly
backed off. I needed to regroup.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">But even my
unconscious mind appears to be ethically challenged. A few nights later I had
what can only be described as an erotic dream involving one of the teachers at
my kids’ school! Obviously, I had absolutely no control over this little
fantasy, although I must say it wasn’t altogether unpleasant!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">There are
obvious moral questions to be raised here. Firstly, is it acceptable to flirt
with an official, or anyone else for that matter, at a funeral? And secondly,
are teachers off limits, subconsciously or otherwise?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">In answer to
the former query, I guess a funeral is as good a place as any to get flirting.
As long as you’re not flashing those “come to bed” eyes during the service or
winking at the bereaved spouse, I think the event itself is fair game. And
let’s be honest, when you hit forty you spend more time at funerals than you do
weddings, the classic place to meet a future spouse apparently, so you’ve got
to include them in your list of possible venues.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Addressing the
teacher issue, I would suggest they are indeed off limits. Well, perhaps until
your last child’s final term at that school so any damage is mitigated. But
that’s just my personal opinion. At the moment. I’m always happy to admit I’m
wrong and adjust my stance accordingly…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">In either
case it’s irrelevant. My flirting skills are such (see <a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/dont-look-down.html">Don’t Look Down</a>) that
the unsuspecting celebrant still has no idea that I was trying to flirt with
him anyway. And, as the incident with the teacher took place in a dream I would
suggest there’s even less chance of him being aware of the goings on. Phew!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">But all this
does raise further questions. When is it time to date again? How long after the
end of a relationship or death of a partner is it ok to see other men? What is
a respectable period of mourning these days?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Well, here’s
the answer. I have absolutely no flipping idea! And neither does anyone else.
However, bearing in mind many people are dating whilst still in their current
relationship and many others never date again, I can state with confidence that
the answer lies somewhere between the two.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">The
overriding thing to remember is that you’re ready to date when you’re ready to
date. It’s nothing to do with how many days, weeks or months have gone past.
And it’s nothing to do with anyone else so don’t feel judged.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“Everyone
will think I’m dating too soon and that I never loved him…”<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">When your
partner’s gone they’re gone. Is waiting around for the six-month marker really going
to make a difference? Will it bring them back to you, if indeed you want them
back? Does it mean you loved them any less? No, it doesn’t. And what do those
people know anyway? Acceptance of loss often begins earlier than those on the
outside realize, with a failing relationship or a diagnosis of an illness. Your
grieving may have begun long before the end came, and some time before you
shared the information with those beyond your relationship. They’re in no place
to judge.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“My friends
think I’m hanging on for him to come back and that I should have started dating
ages ago…”<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">So they
think you’re waiting too long. No one knows how it feels to be inside your head,
processing your emotions. They don’t know if you’ve had enough time to get over
your loss and adjust to life without your partner. A long time ago, after the
end of a serious relationship that I thought I’d come to terms with, I had a
fling. Turns out I wasn’t over the first relationship after all and was
frequently found crying in my new man’s bathroom in the middle of the night. Not
good. Especially as he had two housemates and no lock on the bathroom door but
that’s another story! Anyway, what seems like too long for one person can be
too soon for another. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Everyone’s
different.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Think about
giving yourself time to grieve and finding out who you are as a person before
moving back into dating. Or don’t. Get out socializing, go on a date and have
some fun! It really is up to you and how you deal with things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">It’s not
easy making that first move. It’s hard to imagine being in a relationship with
someone else; confiding in another man; sitting on the sofa with them; being
intimate with anyone other than your husband; letting them meet your kids;
referring to a story from your life that they have no knowledge of. It all
seems so difficult and not necessarily worth the effort.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">But
remember, a date doesn’t mean a relationship. It’s just a date. It’s an evening
out with drinks, dinner and conversation. That’s all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">When you
first went out with your previous partner, did you think that you’d end up
married? Probably not. I know I didn’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div style="border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-element: para-border-div; padding: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; padding: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; padding: 0cm;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“Love is
like a virus. It can happen to anybody at anytime.” <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; padding: 0cm; text-align: right;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Maya
Angelou<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; padding: 0cm; text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Don’t
overanalyze things. Relationships don’t have to last forever, as we’ve found
out to our cost. You can flirt or go on a date and if it doesn’t feel right,
you just go home afterwards and give yourself a bit more time. Or maybe, just
maybe, you’ll have a nice evening.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-16810439061064061162016-03-12T00:31:00.000+00:002016-03-12T00:31:56.042+00:00A Time For Macaroni Cheese<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14pt;">I knew it
was coming. My solicitor advised me last week that she’d applied for the Decree
Absolute and it should come through any day. I got myself prepared. I went to
my Storage King unit and extracted my wedding box. I wanted to be ready so that
when it arrived I could, if I wanted to, spend some time looking through the
wedding paraphernalia representing our coming together, and finally say goodbye
to my marriage.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUYNdozBaAbpwgbgUwsN736xSMY7cjQAKD0mfouVGl0OXFND5229ZEj6iK3TRok7GGKbNCjr4wbJAc2ghK1XVOF817A2oLOnVhp9rHfxO2FlrnwX8uLJZpp8Ju3hCYNmGRnkScLQj850s/s1600/RingBox.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUYNdozBaAbpwgbgUwsN736xSMY7cjQAKD0mfouVGl0OXFND5229ZEj6iK3TRok7GGKbNCjr4wbJAc2ghK1XVOF817A2oLOnVhp9rHfxO2FlrnwX8uLJZpp8Ju3hCYNmGRnkScLQj850s/s320/RingBox.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">It was still
a shock when the email arrived. And with the most unfortunate timing, I read it
just as I was walking into school to collect the kids. Mask on. All the way
home, with a stop off at my sister’s house, I held onto my façade and told no
one. I just wasn’t ready to say it out loud. My marriage was over.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I decided to
wait until the kids were in bed, then go through the wedding box, shed my tears,
then package it all away to move on with life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">That was the
plan. But when do things ever go to plan?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">By the time
we’d got home, eaten dinner and the kids had gone to bed I remembered I needed
to make 24 dairy free, nut free chocolate cupcakes for my son to take to school
for his birthday the next day. Except, I had no cocoa powder, and not enough
eggs. I ended up with some rather unappetizing looking buns, for want of a
better word. I squirted them with Dr Oetker’s chocolate icing (thankfully also
dairy free) and shoved them in a tin, hoping I wouldn’t be judged too harshly
by a precocious 9 year-old Mary Berry wannabe the next day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, to the
wedding box.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Crap! I
hadn’t wrapped his presents or set up the birthday banners! I raced around like
a very silent mad woman trying not to wake the sleeping children upstairs. At
last, I was finished.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Ok, time for
the wedding box.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Double crap!
I had a funeral the next day too and, for reasons I won’t bore you with, I had
to pack a bag of suitable clothes to change into at my sister’s house after
walking the dog. Having realized I looked 6 months pregnant in my classic
funeral dress, I threw all the black items of clothing I owned into a bag and
decided to worry about it the next day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Finally, I
had the time to sit down with my wedding box.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Except by
that point, it was almost midnight and I was exhausted. I wasn’t feeling
remotely sentimental and wouldn’t have done the task justice. I would have been
doing it just to tick it off my to-do-list but, as much as that generally
pleases me, it didn’t feel right. I went to bed instead. Although not for long…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Birthday
presents, pancakes and Star Wars Top Trumps (strangely addictive by the way)
began at 5.30am and I was in full on mummy mode! We partied, then I took the
kids to school, walked the dog and got into my funeral clothes with 25 minutes
to spare.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">For those
interested in my attire, I decided on black trousers with a slight floral
imprint, a sheer black long sleeved top and a black over-top with a little
fringe at the bottom, a black suit jacket and some rather sexy high-heeled
suede boots. My team of dressers would have been proud (see <a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/whos-up-for-some-zhooshing.html">Who’s Up For Some Zhooshing?!</a>).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I debated
with myself for quite some time about the suitability of the boots for such an occasion
but I decided they worked with the outfit, made me feel happy and were the only
footwear I’d packed anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Sitting at
my sister’s house while everyone else was getting ready, I realized I wasn’t
used to having a 25 minute window with nothing urgent to do. So, I cut and
painted my nails whilst listening to the radio. It was bliss. And if you think
the sexy boots were disrespectful…my nail varnish was red! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I promise
you that the deceased would have been quite happy with the whole thing. And
when I say “the whole thing” I don’t just mean the raunchy boots and vampish
nails. She had been ready to die for a long, long time. For her, this would
have been a release. She was free of her failing body and in a happier place.
It was her time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">This got me
thinking. It was her time to go and here I was having time for me to paint my
nails. There’s a time for everything and, despite the way I generally live,
that doesn’t have to be dictated by the predetermined timetable of the day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Sometimes,
the time’s right for one thing and not another. And you don’t know until it
happens what that thing is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Time to be
happy, time to grieve<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Time to play,
time to cry<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Time to
paint your nails, time to close your eyes and sleep<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Time to wear
high-heeled boots, time to snuggle in your PJs<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Time to
nibble a salad, time to devour macaroni cheese<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Time to
reflect<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Time for the
wedding box<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So that
evening, I didn’t rush it. I did what felt right at the time. I put the kids to
bed, slipped into my PJs, ate a bowl of macaroni cheese, scoffed 2 chocolate éclairs,
and then I was ready.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">In the same
way that you can’t plan when you’ll be ready to do these things, it seems you
can’t prepare yourself for how you’ll feel either. My emotions weren’t what I’d
expected. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Of course
there were tears. I touched the boxes that had stored our wedding rings. I felt the feathered hearts glued with care to the front of each order of service. I read the index cards from my now ex-husband’s wedding
speech and I was touched. He knew me so well and loved me so much then. When
did that change?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But equally,
I laughed at the comments in our wedding guest book including the competition
between our two witnesses over who was best at the job and the wedding haiku written
by a particularly lovely friend.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I smiled at
myself in the mirror as I put on my wedding tiara. It didn’t really go with the
PJs but the wedding dress is now 2 sizes too small with a gravy stain down the
front so I wasn’t about to do the full bridal thing. Here’s a tip, choose your
wedding breakfast carefully taking into account your clothing for the day!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But the most
unexpected feeling was one of warmth. People’s comments about how happy we
looked, the poem I wrote as one of our readings called My Best Friend, the laughter
on people’s faces in the photos taken on the disposable cameras… what a day!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I remembered
how happy I was, not just on that day, but also in my marriage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I reflected
on our time together. The nights out, nights in, holidays, arrival of our
children, plans we made, homes we built, achievements, successes, crises we’d
come through together, times we’d stood by each other despite feelings of
betrayal, difficulties in our marriage we’d overcome, issues we were trying to
resolve, then the separation and divorce.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Our marriage
was more that just the end bits. With all the negativity and upset of more
recent years, it’s so easy to forget the rest. A marriage is something that
happens over time. And that reminded me of one of our readings...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div style="border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-element: para-border-div; padding: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt;">
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; mso-pagination: none; padding: 0cm; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">EXTRACT FROM <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">THE VELVETEEN
RABBIT</span></span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; mso-pagination: none; padding: 0cm; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">By Margery Williams<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; mso-pagination: none; padding: 0cm; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; mso-pagination: none; padding: 0cm; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; mso-pagination: none; padding: 0cm; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were
lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room.
"Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out
handle?" <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; mso-pagination: none; padding: 0cm; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; mso-pagination: none; padding: 0cm; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse.
"It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long
time, not just to play with, but Really loves you, then you become Real." <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; mso-pagination: none; padding: 0cm; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; mso-pagination: none; padding: 0cm; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; mso-pagination: none; padding: 0cm; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; mso-pagination: none; padding: 0cm; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always
truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked,
"or bit by bit?" <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse.
"You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to
people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.
Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and
your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and very shabby. But
these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly,
except to people who don't understand."</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So here I
am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My hair hasn’t quite been loved off,
although the grey roots are in need of some attention. My joints are more stiff
than loose due tennis elbow and now a cricked neck. I’m not too shabby, but
perhaps a tiny bit overweight. Nothing that a few more running sessions and my
new Nutribullet can’t fix.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Overall, I’m
not as fit as I was 20 years ago, but I’m real (see <a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/a-different-sort-of-singleton.html">A Different Sort Of Singleton</a>). My life, my marriage, my baggage made me real, made me who I am
today. And, on the whole, I like me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">This week,
as my marriage has finally come to an end, I refuse to regret a single moment
of it. This reflection has given me the space to see that there was a time for
us to get married, there was a time for us to be happy together and there was a
time for it to end. However much I didn’t want that to happen, that’s the way
it was.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And now, it’s
time for me to move forward, but without bitterness. Time to draw a line under
the darkness that’s dominated recently and step back into the light. So, bring
on the sexy boots and bright red nails – it’s my time now. Or, I could just pop
my PJs back on and nibble some Green & Blacks chocolate. Just for now…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-20213581778981908232016-03-09T00:24:00.000+00:002016-03-09T00:25:36.228+00:00Mr Blue Sky… The Finale!<!--[if !mso]>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14pt;">So, did you
listen all the way to the end…?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Last week I
wrote about the ELO track Mr Blue Sky and how smiley and happy it made me feel (see
<a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2016/03/mr-blue-sky.html">Mr Blue Sky</a>). </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And, I also said that the last line made me giggle every time. But did
you work out what it was, and more importantly, why it’s in there?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I’ve just
popped in for a quick midweek update to give you the answer. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4505608273096336310" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So… SPOILER
ALERT… stop reading if you haven’t had a chance to listen to the track yet and
want to play along. Or stop reading if you don’t really care what the answer
is. But if you’re interested, here it comes…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ4VO4BGgMV_FcdpBj4Cv7I7TEwjk3maXhUoBtUvIyFGCp0TWRh7eLrLS1ib-RNjtIp6tBAEGgWeBVHqQmjJtsH0-c6gfPSJaso6j42dWLK7q_RPA3J9paGfAtvUz4yFVWGlQcaPicVIw/s1600/Sky.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ4VO4BGgMV_FcdpBj4Cv7I7TEwjk3maXhUoBtUvIyFGCp0TWRh7eLrLS1ib-RNjtIp6tBAEGgWeBVHqQmjJtsH0-c6gfPSJaso6j42dWLK7q_RPA3J9paGfAtvUz4yFVWGlQcaPicVIw/s320/Sky.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Throughout the track, a synthesized voice sings “Mr Blue Sky”. Then, at
the very end, after a phenomenal instrumental section I should add, a heavily
synthesized and less clear vocal emerges.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The words are often thought to be the same as throughout the rest of the
song, “Mr Blue Sky”, but the final line is actually “Please turn me over”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The track is found at the end of side 3 of a double LP back in the days of
vinyl and the listener was instructed to turn it over to hear the next track.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">You’re welcome!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-26357414642075388432016-03-06T00:07:00.003+00:002016-03-06T00:07:39.028+00:00Mr Blue Sky<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">As much as I
hate my alarm going off at 6am and contemplating the daily hell that is getting
everyone out the door for school each morning with the right bags, kit,
charitable donations and permission slips, there is one thing I certainly do look
forward to - The Chris Moyles Show at 6.30 on Radio X. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I know not
everyone is a fan and he’s been criticized for being a loud mouthed,
opinionated, self-obsessed, homophobic yob (I can only assume by those who’ve
either never listened to his show or just caught a snippet and got an out of
context wrong end of the stick) but he brightens my mornings! Each to their
own.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhakUhCMlCoX1M9NrsMBUiNQTCoAjpcrrURR2QHF5Y-PK3ndmx6QZ0rf5HsosWj2IzjfUpipgH930tca3qElUo9PxMkTIJQQYQF5hSVppHpZwp_72f0wUEx0F5oCK43E-v0l3s_iZE6ou8/s1600/Music.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhakUhCMlCoX1M9NrsMBUiNQTCoAjpcrrURR2QHF5Y-PK3ndmx6QZ0rf5HsosWj2IzjfUpipgH930tca3qElUo9PxMkTIJQQYQF5hSVppHpZwp_72f0wUEx0F5oCK43E-v0l3s_iZE6ou8/s320/Music.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Anyway, this
week Radio X launched “Best Of British” where listeners are invited to vote for
the “Best British Song Ever”. Whilst discussing this feature, various names
were mentioned - classics like Queen, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles and David
Bowie, but also others from the 1990s Britpop era such as Blur, The Verve,
Oasis and Supergrass. Hearing those latter names, I was immediately transported
back to a time when life was fabulous. I was younger, oh so much slimmer, my
career was going well, my social life rocked and I met my now soon to be
ex-husband.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">This sudden jolt
back to the past was incredibly powerful. I could hear the music, smell the gin
and tonic, see the laughing faces and feel the love I had for life, and
particularly for the man I had chosen to be with. Then, just as swiftly, the
happiness was replaced by a melancholy feeling, grieving for the loss of all
that I had looked forward to in those days. I dreamt of it, achieved it, and then
lost it (see <a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/single-plus-baggage.html">Single Plus Baggage</a>).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Music has always been big in my life. Each era seems to be strongly
linked to melodic memories. My childhood was dominated by ABBA, Simon &
Garfunkel and The Carpenters, followed later by Paul Young, Spandau Ballet,
Wham and who could forget Come On Eileen by Dexys Midnight Runners? The turbulent
college years brought Simply Red and Beverley Craven. I fell in love to the
sounds of Katie Melua and Norah Jones, got married on The Bright Side Of The
Road with Van Morrison, danced and laughed along with Robbie Williams and Eliza
Doolittle, and suffered loss supported by Mumford & Sons. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">And the stage shows! Chess, Phantom, Starlight Express, Miss Saigon,
Chicago… I lived each one as I watched it, and relived every second when devouring
the soundtrack later. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I sang each song, each lyric, in my bedroom or in my car, with all the
passion the storyline deserved, if not exactly the right tune. But as Eric
Morecambe once said to Andre Preview/Previn after a memorably bad stint on the
piano, “I’m playing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right
order!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Music was my best friend and I loved the passion it stirred within me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">But then, it became a darker force.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">When my husband left, a well-meaning acquaintance warned me not to
listen to any music. Odd, I thought. Surely this was the time that I should be
finding solace in music, belting out the tracks to release the pain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">But she was right. Suddenly, every song doubled in meaning. Everything
related to my situation. I thought I was finding comfort with singers who knew
what I was going through. Instead of comfort I found anger and sadness. My
emotions became deeper and more entrenched. I think I probably sang Jar Of
Hearts more times than Christina Perri! I was drawn to the darker songs and
they dragged me further down.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">In an attempt to pull myself back up, I sang my way through Gloria
Gaynor’s I Will Survive, Katy Perry’s Roar and, I’m ashamed to say, even Miley
Cyrus’ The Climb! Granted, they were empowering, positive songs about getting
through a crisis and being stronger for it but the focus was still on the
disaster. It was still about coping with something bad that had happened. In
short, it kept me in my place as someone whose husband had left her. I was
stuck in my miserable little bubble.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">My 8 year old son recently, insightfully and eloquently, commented on
the passing of a relative who’d been ill for a number of years, bed bound, laying
flat and being fed by nurses. He said, “That’s not living, that’s surviving.”
Out of the mouths of babes…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I want more than just to survive and get through each day, falling into
bed feeling emotionally drained. I want to live each day and enjoy the
wonderful world I’m lucky to have in the palm of my hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Enter ELO - Electric Light Orchestra.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Back to Radio X and the Best British Song Ever. Chris Moyles came up
with a list of 5 astounding tracks that could be contenders and among them was
Mr Blue Sky by ELO. I knew and liked the track but suddenly it took on new
meaning for me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Apparently Jeff Lynne had been sitting in a Swiss chalet in the Alps
trying to write songs. After days of dark, murky weather he was feeling
completely uninspired and had written nothing. Then one day, he looked out of
the window and saw the most beautiful blue sky over the Alps and was moved to
write Mr Blue Sky, swiftly followed by a number of other tracks having got his
creative juices flowing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">It is beyond BRILLIANT. At 7.50 in the morning I turned the car radio up
to full volume and sang my heart out, much to my daughter’s delight and my
son’s dismay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">It made me happy for the whole day. I couldn’t help but grin every time
it popped back into my head.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">This was a novel experience of late.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I realized that in recent times my musical choices, whilst reflecting my
mood, were doing nothing to lift it. I’d been wallowing at the bottom of a
lyrical pit feeling sorry for myself for far too long.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I was trapped in an inward, downward, backward spiral when all I had to
do was, quite literally, change the record. I should have been looking outward,
upward and forward, choosing positive music to highlight the happiness in my
life, of which there is so much.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">So, I decided to compile a playlist of tracks I find uplifting. Songs
that, despite my best miserable efforts, never fail to put a smile on my face. It’s
a work in progress (any suggestions would be gratefully received) but this is
what I have so far…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">1. Mr Blue Sky by ELO<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">2. Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">3. Best Day Of My Life by American Authors<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">4. Dancing In The Moonlight by Toploader<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">5. Star Girl by McFly<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I know the last one might sound a bit random but it’s a throwback to the
old Chris Moyles’ Radio 1 show where every Friday was McFly-day and he played
Star Girl getting everyone in the mood for the weekend. The kids and I used to
sing along and play our air instruments in the car on the way to school each
week. We still call Fridays McFly-day now, almost 4 years later!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I’m planning to put the playlist on my phone so that anytime I need a
boost I can plug myself in and get a fix. There are far worse ways to get high!
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">So, Mr Blue Sky was inspired by a magnificent upturn in the weather. But
we don’t have to wait for our environment to change in order to rediscover our
mojo. We don’t need to rely on our situation getting better to feel happier. We
don’t have to assume that, because it’s rained in our world for the past
however long, it’ll rain again today.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">We can find our own Mr Blue Sky.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Good luck to ELO in Radio Xs Best British Song Ever. I love different
songs for different reasons on different days but today, Mr Blue Sky definitely
gets my vote. Give it a listen…all the way to the very end. The last line makes
me giggle every time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Happy singing everyone!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-72550807233797389132016-02-27T16:20:00.001+00:002016-02-28T07:56:17.397+00:00It Takes Two To Tango… And Build An Ikea Bookshelf<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14pt;">Last weekend
was spent in full DIY mode. Having moved into the new house in August I’ve
gradually been buying mirrors and furniture to suit the new surroundings and
fit the space. This weekend, I built some shelves for the lounge. By ‘built’ I
mean I assembled an Ikea flat pack kit but I’m still taking that as a
construction victory.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkmAlAfHsQYePLmd4comqRSSWpTCOErQh-bt0-C0U7ZkgtRIAjhYINrKp16NGlqTb0SnZJRs3a4xhuFDS-zkvb9dm0M7Gb0-ZrEtnQAv5AxKN_s4pBiPfcXrrVXxNvmi7ZBHerDTrqe5g/s1600/Tools.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkmAlAfHsQYePLmd4comqRSSWpTCOErQh-bt0-C0U7ZkgtRIAjhYINrKp16NGlqTb0SnZJRs3a4xhuFDS-zkvb9dm0M7Gb0-ZrEtnQAv5AxKN_s4pBiPfcXrrVXxNvmi7ZBHerDTrqe5g/s400/Tools.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I am a
complete girly female when it comes to DIY for a number of reasons:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">1. I read the instructions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">2. I set out all the components and count them before starting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">3. I assume all said components are essential rather than optional, and I
therefore use them all when told rather than skipping a few to save time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">4. </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I use the
tools I have rather than going out to buy the latest exciting gizmo which will
shortly be relegated to the back of the garage never to be handled again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">5. I only use a hammer when specifically instructed to.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">6. I believe the bubble in the spirit level.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I know this may sound sexist but I believe these to be the actions of
more females than males. Only this morning I had a phone call from my soon to
be ex-husband who left me almost 2 years ago (see my first post <a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/single-plus-baggage.html">Single Plus Baggage</a>) to ask where he should put the rinse
aid in his new dishwasher! I gave basic generic advice then gently suggested he
read the instructions. It was bizarre on so many levels!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Anyway, since moving into my new abode I have assembled a temporary
hanging rail, a dining table and 6 six chairs, a chaise longue style chair, an
egg chair, 3 coffee tables, 2 garden storage cupboards and now a shelf unit too.
I have an electric screwdriver and I’m not afraid to use it!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The hanging
rail was particularly difficult as it was an old one so the instructions were
lost long ago, some bits were broken and other elements were missing… I think!
It took me hours. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, back to the bookshelf. I was alone in the lounge with the flat pack
pieces, instructions, my tools and a cup of coffee. I had already organized the
screws, brackets and wooden dowels into piles and was ready to go. It wasn’t
long before I was fighting back the tears!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">It’s not that my ex would have done this sort of thing before, as he
wasn’t really into DIY. And it’s not that I was feeling cross at having to
build a new world one flat pack at a time. I was angry because the task was
physically tough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I’ve had tennis elbow since Christmas Eve and the pain was searing
through my elbow, down my forearm and into my fingers. I was trying to hold 2
large pieces of wood at a 90-degree angle and push one into the other with wooden
dowels. I tried every permutation of standing, sitting, kneeling and bending
with every possible option of shelf unit upright, on its side, on its back,
upside down… it was hopeless. And even if I did manage to get myself and the
components in exactly the right position, I then couldn’t reach the hammer
without something wiggling out of place. And it hurt my arm, a lot.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">It really would have been helpful to have another pair of hands, except
there isn’t another pair of hands in my life anymore. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those hands now reside elsewhere. The kids are
getting a bit older and could help but if they’re out with their Dad then I’m absolutely
on my own. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I was on the verge of tears when I managed to pull myself back from the
DIY abyss. I remembered that an extra pair of adult hands comes attached to
arms that are joined to the shoulders of another human being. If that other
human being, say a spouse, has an opinion, critical voice and an unwanted short
cut likely to end in disaster then that’s not really a pair of hands you want
helping.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I suddenly realized that doing this alone was actually easier in many
ways than working with someone else. There was no voice interrupting my
thoughts as I read the instructions, no one standing watching me and no one
making “helpful” suggestions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I persevered with my one armed task. The dog was perplexed. She didn’t
offer to help.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Finally, I did it. Granted the last screw only went into place when I
had to lie on to top of the unit to force the panel down and align the holes
but it worked and, for once, my weight was an asset! The feeling of
satisfaction was fantastic. And obviously made me cry some more!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">By evening, the lounge corner had been tidied up with the debris
previously spilling out of it neatly filed on the new shelves. The room was
once again in order. I was relaxed and ready to sit on my sofa, enjoying my
newly finished space. Then the dog was sick on the carpet. Keeping my cool, I
cleaned it up and settled back down with a serene smile on my face. Then my
son, swinging around a toy in a fashion we have all told our children to stop
in order to avoid disaster, knocked my full glass of Becks Blue off the coffee
table onto the floor. I gave up on my quiet night at that point.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The next day, inspired by my success, I was tempted to pull out the
bathroom cabinet flat pack, lounge mirror and hallway pictures and get stuck
in. However, it’s important to know your limits. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Firstly, when your arm feels like it’s being stabbed with a burning hot
skewer, it’s time to take some painkillers and rest. Also, any furniture item
with doors that need adjusting so they don’t end up wonky is not for the novice
DIYer. And hanging a mirror that you can’t even lift single handedly is never
going to end well. So I’ve booked a lovely handyman for next week to come and
finish off!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">In summary, I would say 3 things:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">1. Build what you can. Keep going. You can do more than you first think.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">2. Get help when you need it. Be realistic. It’s not a sign of failure
or defeat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">3. Invest in, or make friends with someone who own a carpet cleaning
vacuum device.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Happy DIYing everyone!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-81401822460280364332016-02-19T23:22:00.001+00:002016-02-19T23:22:30.215+00:00Discovering Silver Linings<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">This morning
it was cold, very cold. In fact it was minus 1 degree Celsius. I don’t have
enough words to describe to you how much I hate being cold. I have a
ridiculously low tolerance for it. When I was at school I was the only one
whose fingers turned purple and hands became claw like when playing hockey. I’m
sure I was born to live in a warmer climate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Also near
the top of the list of “Things SPB Despises” is clearing up dog poo from the
garden. It’s smelly, squidgy and just plain horrible. I know it only takes a
few minutes to do but you’d be amazed at how many jobs I can find that are more
urgent – tidying the under stairs cupboard, defuzzing the shower head, Googling
the answer to whatever random question the children have posed that morning,
alphabetizing my recipe book shelf… ok, you got me. The latter is a pleasure
not a chore! But, as with the other tasks mentioned, it is by no means as
urgent as removing canine faeces from the lawn when your kids want to kick a
football around.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSMNecvWdUjnq_9YTL3Sf4JP4f_w1URvsr7_-102JPlMVVZah9kKDP0tux-tykyKaCKb_YNs2ZvcQVByHBqM5yFSkWlmBS_rid92uncsvu5gH5p2oLZnW81FRDsVHamYHDRjY-RuQAWSg/s1600/FrostyGrass.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSMNecvWdUjnq_9YTL3Sf4JP4f_w1URvsr7_-102JPlMVVZah9kKDP0tux-tykyKaCKb_YNs2ZvcQVByHBqM5yFSkWlmBS_rid92uncsvu5gH5p2oLZnW81FRDsVHamYHDRjY-RuQAWSg/s320/FrostyGrass.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Not only was
the temperature below freezing this morning but also the urgency to clear the
dog poo had reached an epic level. Without swift intervention I may have had to
report myself to the environmental health people. So, I stood at the back door
with a heavy heart and a pocket full of poo sacks ready to take on the semi-arctic
task. It was a low point in my week.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">But here’s
the thing… It was fine. It wasn’t a problem at all. The freezing temperature
had caused the excrement to solidify meaning no more soggy smelly mess. The
scooping was the most satisfying I’ve ever experienced. And I’ve done it a lot.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">This light
bulb moment really got me thinking. Let’s be honest, the job in hand, as it
were, didn’t require a huge amount of brainpower. Two of the things I really hate,
which when combined should have presented a double whammy of discontent, were
actually much more manageable. What should have been a hellish job was almost
pleasant. Maybe pleasant is the wrong word but I wanted to emphasize the impact
of this defining moment in my life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">As I
continued the bagging process, I started to reflect on recent things in my life
that I thought were going to be awful but turned out much better than
anticipated. Life at 40-something isn’t what I thought it would be. The
separation and subsequent necessary changes in my world were never in my dreams
but, with a little mental adjustment, I realized they weren’t that disastrous.
It just meant looking at things in a different way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Mentally, I
went through my complaints’ list and tried to spot the silver lining to each
cloud or the unexpected opportunity presented. Surprisingly, it wasn’t that
hard…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">1. Selling The Family Home<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I didn’t
want to sell my home and I particularly didn’t want to have to uproot the kids
at such a sensitive time but it was necessary. All those memories of where
they’d achieved a milestone, lost a tooth, banged a head, drew on the carpet
and so on. I didn’t think I could manage without seeing that scenery each day.
But those memories exist in my head and my heart, and to some extent my photo
albums too. However, I realized that I actually needed to leave behind the
ghosts of a failed marriage. The reminders of happier times now spoiled. The
rooms where painful truths were revealed. The corners where so many tears were
shed. It was time to move on and create new memories.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">2. Moving To An Unknown Area<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Splitting
the assets meant moving to a cheaper area to secure a property for the kids and
me. Goodbye lush green countryside, hello new urban world. At first it was
noisier, busier and less private. I wasn’t sure how we would adjust. But after
a week I realized I wasn’t scared going to bed at night. I wasn’t worrying
about getting broken into the way secluded houses like our last did frequently.
Plus the kids would be more independent and able to travel to secondary school
or to visit friends by bus rather than relying on me to drive them everywhere.
That gave me more freedom too. Mummy-Cabs was shutting up shop, or at least
going part-time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">3. My Furniture Doesn’t Fit In The Smaller
House<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Well it
might have done but I’m not sure double decker sofas will ever really catch on.
The thought of having to sell my furniture was hard, but it meant getting rid
of even more negative memories and choosing furniture for my new world. I found
that quite liberating. Plus it was funded in part by the sale of the old items
on EBay. Ah yes, I discovered EBay. If you haven’t done it yet, sell something
on EBay and I challenge you not to become obsessed with checking your bids on a
minute-by-minute basis. What a rush!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">4. I Miss My Garden<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Like the new
house, the garden is soooo much smaller than the last one. In fact, it’s
smaller than the patio of my previous garden! But on the upside, it’s much
quicker to pick up the dog poo, simpler to take care of and significantly
cheaper to Astroturf which is the new big thing I’m told! Although much to my
children’s dismay I’m opting for green with a hint of brown rather than electric
blue. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">5. I Miss My Kids<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Don’t’ misunderstand
me, they still live with me. I mean I miss them both madly when they go and spend
a day or a weekend with their Dad. I’m just not used to being without them. The
three of us did everything together. Now suddenly they’re whisked away on a
regular basis and I feel lost. I have to give the Easter Bunny and the Tooth
Fairy a new address this year and I don’t want to. This is without doubt the
toughest part of our new lifestyle for me. But, motivated by the frozen dog poo
incident, I am looking for the silver lining. It does mean that I can go out
with a friend at the last minute without needing a babysitter, arrange a work
appointment at the weekend if a client is busy during the week, or even go away
for a couple of days myself for some pampering. Do I sound convinced? No, I guess
not. I’ll work on it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">6. Lonely Evenings <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Suddenly
there’s no one to turn to and consult about what to have for dinner, what to
watch on TV or whose family to visit at the weekend. On the upside, there’s no
one to consult about what to have for dinner, what to watch on TV, or whose
family to visit at the weekend! You can choose.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">7. No More Intimacy<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">So, there
are no more kisses, cuddles, shoulder massages…you don’t need me to continue
surely?! I think you know where I’m going with this. The intimacy that comes
with love and familiarity is no longer part of our world but here’s something
you have over your attached friends… the potential for a first kiss with
someone else! Remember that electricity? That tickly feeling in your gut? Who
knows what, or who, tomorrow may bring…!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">8. Awkward Friend Situations<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Some people
will pick sides, some will choose to spend time with you both, and others will
just disappear off your radar completely. Ultimately, that’s their choice not
yours. Is that really so bad? You may end up with one or two fewer names on
your Christmas card list but you can count on the fact that those who stick
around are true friends worthy of your time. The others are no great loss. Plus,
any friends of your ex that you don’t really like… no need to pretend anymore!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">9. I Need To Earn More Money<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">The end of a
marriage can mean financial pressure to go back to work or increase your income,
as your expenses are no longer shared. This can be tricky (see <a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/single-plus-baggage-plus-job.html">Single Plus Baggage… Plus Job!</a>). But, it also has its positives. The workplace is somewhere
to spend time with other adult human beings plus you can start to build
financial independence not to mention your sense of worth, something that can
take a bashing post separation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">10. More Silver Linings…<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">More
wardrobe space, being able to eat pork scratchings without judgment, not having
to unravel balled up man-socks, no need to defend your decision not to take the
child who has just vomited to a doctor to rule out Norovirus and other possible
afflictions… make your own list of upsides ladies and keep it for your darker
moments!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">So, it's not all bad. It’s tempting when you first find yourself like
me, Single Plus Baggage, to wallow in self pity and feel like the victim of a crime
but that’s not a healthy long term solution. That doesn’t mean we can’t be sad,
grieve for our losses and hide under the duvet for a few days here and there, but it means when we reappear, we need to think positively and look to the
future. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">And we <i>can</i> have a happy future if we allow ourselves to. We just need to
look at our situation from another angle and not assume the worst. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">So, I won’t moan about the cold weather anymore, I’ll just wear more
layers. And I won’t sigh when I have to clear up the dog poo, I’ll just imagine
it’s Playdough. And on the days where the two coincide, I’ll smile to myself
and remember the parable of the frozen dog poo!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Right, I’m off to bed in my most snuggly PJs to eat a packet of pork
scratchings and watch White Collar on Netflix!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-6790404042713698752016-02-12T23:59:00.000+00:002016-02-13T00:04:52.096+00:00Seeing Red<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14pt;">It’s no
longer safe to enter the high street. Crimson assaults our eyes at every turn.
Shops are bursting at the seams with blood red offerings. Pale-faced men are stalking
the aisles looking for the thing they need to get them through the night. No,
the vampires haven’t taken over. These men aren’t looking to drain the
lifeblood of innocent shop assistants. They want to grab a card, choose a teddy
bear, pick some flowers, buy chocolates then get out. Yes folks, it’s
Valentine’s weekend!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKkMP_ATKVYjmp1RsN5v-x0FXMtv28840dIspPlP6piERtVoi70Msz42Iu7Wsxf3OE5BE1u3DSjuz6pCh7SsS39fBKmITWqaj-kRb612DH6lc2exZSiL0nqKb86lJ5ej7BdxSZ-qu_oqA/s1600/Heart.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKkMP_ATKVYjmp1RsN5v-x0FXMtv28840dIspPlP6piERtVoi70Msz42Iu7Wsxf3OE5BE1u3DSjuz6pCh7SsS39fBKmITWqaj-kRb612DH6lc2exZSiL0nqKb86lJ5ej7BdxSZ-qu_oqA/s320/Heart.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Don’t get me
wrong, this sight doesn’t make we want to run and hide in the way that the cosy
happy families Christmas displays did (see <a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/christmas-is-coming.html">Christmas Is Coming!</a>) but it is yet
another slap-in-the-face reminder that I am no longer part of a couple.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">While the
world is out and about shopping for heart shaped cookies and sexy underwear to
give their partners a thrill, or a cardiac arrest, there is some debate as to
what us singletons are supposed to be doing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I’ve done
some research into this and as far as I can tell we should be doing one or more
of the following:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">1) Crying
into a bucket of wine<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">2) Having a
boyfriend bonfire for all previous sentimental gifts<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">3) Cutting
up our ex-husband’s clothing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">4) Plotting
revenge using coloured pens and an A3 white board<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">5) Pretending
we don’t care<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">None of
these approaches are particularly constructive. Crying into a bucket of wine
just dilutes it and turns it slightly salty. What a waste! And why burn gifts
that actually belong to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">us</i>?
Especially teddy bears – that’s just wrong. It’s not that I like these
nauseating items. It’s just that they’ll stare at you and judge you until their
plastic eyes have melted into a gooey mess. I don’t want those nightmares for
the next year thank you very much!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">At least
cutting up your ex-partner’s clothes is destroying their stuff not yours but if
they’ve moved out and left those bits behind there’s not really much point.
You’re probably just doing the charity shop out of a few decent items. Now
that’s mean! Why would you do that?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Then there’s
plotting revenge. Despite the detail here regarding the pens and white board I
promise this is not something I’ve ever entertained. However, I like to think
that should I ever be required to plan someone’s untimely demise they would be
my weapons of choice. I can see the flowcharts, diagrams, colour coding and key
to symbols clearly in my head now… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Anyway, revenge
is an odd notion here. Your partner may have hurt you by going, but maybe them
staying would have hurt you more in the long run. The whole blame thing is a
messy topic for another time. Suffice it to say here, revenge won’t fix a
broken heart and may end with a criminal record. Don’t waste your energy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And finally,
there’s pretending you don’t care. That’s like buying a lottery ticket, finding
out you had all the right numbers but to the wrong week’s draw then professing
not to be bothered as too much money just complicates life. Let’s be straight
with each other here. We <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do</i> care that
we no longer have a plus one so let’s just accept it without it becoming all consuming.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But where
does that leave us? What are we supposed to do this Valentine’s weekend? The
answer is simple. We do whatever we want to do. It’s just another day. We don’t
have to get caught up in all the hype. And come Monday morning the shops will
be back to normal with a regular amount of red adorning their shelves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Plus, don’t
forget the positive side to being single on Valentine’s Day. Less expense, no
feigning delight at the gaudy teddy bear you’re presented with, no pressure to fulfill
marital expectations (and I don’t mean ironing his shirts), and no need to
pretend you’re happy when you’re not…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Being single
doesn’t give us the monopoly on being lonely. Far from it. I’m less lonely on
my own today than I was on many occasions during my marriage. When things are
going wrong, smiling and putting on a brave face takes its toll, even with a man
standing next to you. That’s loneliness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I see
couples seemingly enjoying each others company and I like to think they’re
happy. I hope they’re happy. But I no longer assume that’s the case. You never
know what goes on in other people’s relationships, what mask they present to
the outside world. Whether they’re truly content, or silently crying themselves
to sleep at night. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Being single
isn’t the worst position to be in on Valentine’s Day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, do
whatever you feel like doing this year, because singledom means you get to
choose, subject to the kids’ weekend activities obviously! I plan to pick up my
Great British Bake Off book and make some scrummy edible treats for me and the
kids. Although, rest assured, none will be heart shaped!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And if this blog happens to reach the eyes of a potential future Mr SPB
here’s a little tip for you… never buy me a cutesy Valentine’s teddy bear,
ever. Thank you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Finally, to
all my friends - single or otherwise - be happy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">SPB</span><br />
<span style="font-family: calibri; font-size: 14pt;">xxx</span><br />
<span style="font-family: calibri; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></div>
Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-18426777515522002292016-02-06T23:57:00.001+00:002016-02-06T23:59:13.723+00:00Doing Life Differently<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The most
amazing thing happened last weekend. I got to use my new fat separator to make
the gravy with our Sunday roast! For those of you who don’t know what this
ingenious gadget is, let me enlighten you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">When making
gravy using meat juices rather than Bisto you will inevitably get a layer of
fat on top of the gravy after it’s allowed to settle for a couple of minutes.
But, and here’s the kicker, when you pour the gravy onto your dinner you get
the oily bit too. Not tasty. But the spout on the fat separator jug takes
liquid from the bottom not the top meaning you pour only the gravy, leaving the
oil slick behind. How fabulous is that? I was so excited.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn31CGedM9OX3_W48OkafI1bawrdR_cJsZmsZtBDlBUr0hWxAg3W7L0L1gKfBTo8v1cTTQX0xR2v7jQ3nu0vqxK2o7nUETm4iX1m95KZynzZROWaEA76g9Uv2YcpLfdsOhWePg_XsuBBI/s1600/Gravy.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn31CGedM9OX3_W48OkafI1bawrdR_cJsZmsZtBDlBUr0hWxAg3W7L0L1gKfBTo8v1cTTQX0xR2v7jQ3nu0vqxK2o7nUETm4iX1m95KZynzZROWaEA76g9Uv2YcpLfdsOhWePg_XsuBBI/s320/Gravy.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And then it
dawned on me. I was stuck in a bit of rut. Not the clothing rut of which I
wrote a couple of weeks ago (See <a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/whos-up-for-some-zhooshing.html">Who's Up For Some Zhooshing?</a>) but a gravy rut. I mean a
symbolic gravy rut not that I was drowning in actual gravy. That would indeed
be weird although potentially more exciting than the gravy separator story
itself. But stay with me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">You see my
life has been ticking along nicely, if you exclude the disappearing husband bit,
and I am now fairly content in my world. My routine varies little, as is the
nature of routine, and it works. During the week I do the school run, go to work,
take care of the house, another school run, supervise homework, make dinner, watch
TV with the kids, then pop them off to bed before tidying up, watching an
episode of White Collar on Netflix in my PJs then going to sleep myself.
Weekends are pretty similar but with the school runs swapped for party runs,
additional school uniform washing, a roast dinner and a few board games thrown
into the mix. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I like my
routine. I particularly like watching White Collar. If you appreciate an
intelligent, cultured man in a smart suit with an oh-so-fit body hidden beneath
and a smile that makes you go all wobbly inside then this is the show for you!
Oh, and it’s got a great storyline too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">There is absolutely
no need for the following photo but I’ve put it in regardless to make you
smile. Meet Neal Caffrey…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPchOaiRxAwVz3bRrE-utWHty0akSrbUeAPOS3WnSLoUnYVP4YRpCKzNLmadodMSEizAjqAU8fErciQLHXW80A8lx2lPGV6vLYVSzBjAeCI-l9DggmReQSo_g779AI30lH2GjxBBxI7a0/s1600/Caffrey.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPchOaiRxAwVz3bRrE-utWHty0akSrbUeAPOS3WnSLoUnYVP4YRpCKzNLmadodMSEizAjqAU8fErciQLHXW80A8lx2lPGV6vLYVSzBjAeCI-l9DggmReQSo_g779AI30lH2GjxBBxI7a0/s320/Caffrey.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Anyway, as
pleasant as that diversion was, it was a diversion nonetheless! Let’s move on and
save the dashing Mr Caffrey for later.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">My point is
that I’m doing the same old thing day in, day out. There’s nothing innately
wrong with that. As a survival technique, hanging on to a routine is superb. It
means the essentials get done and your brain doesn’t have to be bothered with
managing any new information in a time of crisis. It’s free to go into meltdown
while you process what may feel like the end of your world. The routine means
that you and the kids all make it through the day in one piece regardless of
whatever else is going on. But once you get past the disaster, or it starts to
diminish and takes up less of your thinking capacity, it’s time to start living
again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">That doesn’t
necessarily mean going back to do doing the things you used to love in your
spare time pre catastrophe. Maybe you’ve changed and don’t enjoy those things
anymore. Maybe you used to do them with your partner and you can’t imagine
doing them alone or with someone else. Or maybe you just feel you want to find
new experiences. Let me elaborate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I recently
went on a hen weekend with a lovely friend and bride-to-be. After a fun filled
day of games and a night of food and drink we all crashed out at the hen’s
sister’s house. Unfortunately, travelling home on the Sunday morning was more
of a challenge than the previous day’s activities due to a vicious post hen
party hangover. If only I’d discovered Becks Blue earlier! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Anyway, in
the taxi back to the station I was staring out of the window and indulging in
one of my favourite pastimes – people watching. In all honesty, I was trying to
focus my eyes on anything that could take my mind off the nausea rising from
within. Anyway, I realized there was a city full of people going about their
day in completely different ways.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">They weren’t
having a quiet Sunday morning lie in - they were out and about. Instead of
being at home doing the washing in their PJs they were wearing gym gear and
going for a run. Rather than each member of the household grabbing a slice of
toast as they pass through the kitchen, families were sitting chatting over
breakfast together in a trendy café. There were signs for foods I’d never heard
of let alone considered eating.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">There were
families with rucksacks heading off to who knew where. I saw kids on scooters
and bicycles beside their parents, out for no reason other than that they
could. There were even adults on skateboards and roller blades. People were out
meeting friends – on a Sunday! That was unheard of when I was a kid. People
were going places to do things and I wanted to ask each and every one of them
what they had planned for the day. The city was buzzing with people doing all
sorts of diverse things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">They were
all doing life a different way. And they looked happy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I made a
promise to myself that day which I’d totally forgotten about until the gravy
separator came into my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was going
to start doing life differently. I wasn’t going to move into a city or learn to
ride a unicycle but I was going to make some small changes in my little world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So I’m going
to give it another go now and I want you to do it with me! Let’s see how we can
add a little pizzazz to our lives…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">1. Do Something
New Each Day<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Take an alternative route to work; walk the dog in a park you haven’t
been to before; choose a different sandwich flavour for lunch; stop in a café
for a quick coffee and a piece of cake; buy an unusual ingredient in the
supermarket with no idea of what you’re going to do with it; play TV channel
roulette and watch whatever it falls on for at least ten minutes… you get the
idea!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">2. Pick A Hobby<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Choose a hobby that you’d like to take up and give it a chance. Maybe
you’ve always fancied learning the piano, taking singing lessons, playing
tennis, trying ballroom dancing, running, drawing, knitting or whatever takes
your fancy. Find a club, a teacher, a book or a YouTube tutorial to get you
started.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">3. Get The Kids
Involved <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Introduce the kids to something new that you can all do together. Whether
it’s baking, board game challenges, ice skating, picnics in the park, driving
into the countryside to get deliberately lost and explore new places… basically
anything not related to housework or school that you can do as a family.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">4. Accept An
Invitation You Wouldn’t Normally Accept <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">You know the one I mean. That coffee morning or drinks party you
“couldn’t make”? The invitation comes in and when you check your diary you’re
relieved to see a prior engagement. Never has a school parent evening or dental
visit looked so inviting. Well man up ladies! Say yes and go along. By all
means have an exit strategy of a later “appointment” or similar but give it a
go. At the very least you may get a tip on how someone else is doing life and
what you might want to absorb into yours.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">5. “Things I’m
Going To Do” List<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">When you see or hear about something you think you’d like to do one day
don’t ignore it or put it on your wish list, put it on your “things I’m going
to do” list. Maybe it’s a play a friend’s been to see, a holiday destination you’ve
always planned to visit or an experience you’ve fancied undertaking but shied
away from like skydiving. If you want to do it you can, so put it on the list
and start to work your way through the entries rather than filing the scrap of
paper in a drawer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So lovely people, let’s go forth into the world and do life differently.
There are so many things out there for us to enjoy and we don’t even know they
exist until we swap our PJs for some clean clothes, get out into the real world
and open our eyes! I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the number of
times you find yourself smiling along the way. I’d love to hear about what you
all get up to! Leave a note in the comments section below or email me at </span><span lang="EN-US"><a href="mailto:singleplusbaggage@gmail.com"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">singleplusbaggage@gmail.com</span></a></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But while you’re making these little tweaks to your world, remember the
routine is there for a reason, for security and to make sure we get done what
we need to. So by all means discover and enjoy new things but… never neglect
your gravy and make sure you watch White Collar soon. You won’t regret it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Enjoy!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-21829714737836094272016-01-31T00:59:00.001+00:002016-02-07T00:00:02.418+00:00Single Plus Baggage… Plus Job!<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14pt;">One thing
that still gives me the odd sleepless night is worrying about my future
financial security (see <a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/the-fear.html">The Fear</a>). I know that as a fairly bright and
resourceful woman with more qualifications than stretch marks (and believe me I
have some spectacular stretch marks!) I could find myself gainful employment if
I put my mind to it. However, there are complications…</span></div>
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</v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-zeb074o8B3qZeiZBEs0wsrQUZ23V0SY_Ogv5zK-ozX6AxC61AHp9oJqDMAOPkrdTPW39nmZzZUOg5ELJcH10tV8XSROiCgV4OJJ9V9YZuT5ijQUQtdJYZt7EZXTFzQkSueWpT-z2YmY/s1600/Working.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-zeb074o8B3qZeiZBEs0wsrQUZ23V0SY_Ogv5zK-ozX6AxC61AHp9oJqDMAOPkrdTPW39nmZzZUOg5ELJcH10tV8XSROiCgV4OJJ9V9YZuT5ijQUQtdJYZt7EZXTFzQkSueWpT-z2YmY/s320/Working.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Twelve years
ago I stopped work as a lecturer to bring up my kids. I had a great job, good
salary and was well respected among my colleagues. However the six-day weeks
and long days weren’t conducive to raising a family. My husband, at the time,
and I preferred the idea of me being at home with the children to employing a nanny so I took the plunge. Bye-bye commuter trains, hello Thomas
The Tank Engine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Fast forward
through the baby, toddler and pre-school years and I find myself now with two
primary school age children. Somewhat unexpectedly I also have a soon-to-be
ex-husband so it’s time to go back to work. A few years earlier than planned
but apparently things change and I have to roll with the punches!<s><o:p></o:p></s></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But I can’t
really see myself going back to my old job. Imagine my letter of application…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Dear Sirs<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I would be
grateful if you would consider allowing me to return to my old post. Obviously
I know things have changed and I have missed out on 12 years of business
affairs but I’m sure we can work around that.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Also, I
wonder if we could consider restructuring my hours. I am no longer available for
lectures from 8am to 5pm as before but could probably get there for about 10am
after dropping the kids at school and would realistically need to be away by 3pm
for pick up. Obviously that means I will no longer be available for the weekend
and evening sessions I used to work either. Oh and I know that, unlike schools
and colleges, your business runs all year round but I can’t work during school
holidays – that’s about 20 weeks per year. Plus, if either one of my kids is
sick I’ll need to cancel a lecture at short notice. Similarly I will be
unavailable to work if required to attend meetings on behalf of my children
regarding their academic and social progress, future schools, drama
performances, concerts, physiotherapy sessions, eye tests and so on.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">That said, obviously
due to inflation and now that I have children plus am almost divorced, my
financial responsibilities have increased so I would be grateful if we could
also reconsider my salary. In line with my additional outgoings I would
realistically need a salary approximately double my previous earnings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Also, most
of my conversation is currently with children under 12. If you could ensure
there’s a suitable pool of non-judgemental women with whom I could work that
would be great. Ideally I’d want to avoid those who would like to criticize me
for being a lazy cow and stopping work to bring up my children and those who
would shun me for coming back to work now and abandoning the aforementioned
children.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Also, some
single men would be nice too. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I look forward
to hearing from you in the near future.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Best wishes<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I think it’s
unlikely I’d hear from them ever again let alone in the near future!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But I’m not
one to throw my hands up into the air in defeat. Oh no! Instead I find myself
starting again with work too. I’m going self-employed, trying to build up a
business to support me in the future. It’s flexible enough for me to be able to
fit it in around school and I can still work some Saturdays when the kids are
with their Dad. Plus I’m fortunate to be working alongside the most wonderful
team of people!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Don’t be
fooled into thinking I have this all sorted. Far from it! I still spend much
more of my day working out logistics than actually working. And I spend a lot
of my time running from house to car to school to car to client to car to
Sainsbury’s to car and so on. And there’s still rearranging to do when childcare
falls through at the last minute, the kids are unwell or there’s some other
school emergency to deal with. And I’m not really making much money yet. But
other than that it’s all going swimmingly well!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">When it
comes to getting back to work, we’ve got to start somewhere. The question is…where?
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, here are
my top 10 pointers for anyone, single or married, thinking about going back to
work whilst still trying to do their best by their kids:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">1. Look
Forward Not Backward<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Don’t waste
your energy longing for the old days with the job, salary and reputation you
once had, unless of course it’s still workable in which case yipedy do! Otherwise,
it’s time to look forward not backward. Think about who you are now, what you
enjoy, what your skills are and what role you’d like. Just because you haven’t
been working for a while it doesn’t mean you haven’t learned a thing or two
along the way. And I don’t mean how to purée vegetables.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">2. Retrain
Today For A Bigger Tomorrow<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">If your kids
are in primary school you’ll still be fairly limited to the number of hours you
can go out to work. If you have some funds to fall back on in the short term
it’s worth looking at taking time out to get a qualification that might help
you towards your end goal. Distance learning is great and fits in well with
looking after even pre-school kids. I managed to do a degree in Psychology with
the Open University and didn’t forget to pick up the kids once! If you don’t
have that luxury, consider working part time doing whatever you can by day and
studying at night. It’s hard work but it’ll be worth it in the end – a job you
want and financial independence!<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">3. Research
Childcare Options<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Not having
the cash to afford a nanny doesn’t mean calling it a day. There are other
options. A live in Au Pair can be a more affordable solution if you’re happy to
share your living space. Otherwise you can still share childcare with another
working mum, take it in turns to do school runs to free up time, use childminders or breakfast
and after school clubs, investigate crèche facilities at work or consider help
from friends and family. Otherwise, you’re looking at working around school
hours.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">4. Research
Work Options<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Not all jobs
require you to be in an office 9 ‘til 5 with a commute either side. It’s time
to think outside the box! The most obvious option is training as a teacher or
teaching assistant. If that suits you that’s great but if not don’t forget to
look into other school based roles too – office, administration, special
educational needs, marketing, bursar etc. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">There are
plenty of other jobs you can do based from home too. I’m not just talking about
becoming an ironing or cleaning lady, although both are in high demand. Female
driving instructors are sought after as well as a host of other roles – keep an
eye out for local adverts. Plus there’s a range of sales opportunities (think
Tupperware parties for the 2010s!) including books, make up, kitchen supplies,
greetings cards, intimate personal items…! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">On that
subject, I suggest you steer clear of some of the more suspicious mailshots
telling you how much you can make working from home with just a telephone.
Unless talking dirty whilst emptying the washing machine is something that interests
you. And I don’t mean how to get grass stains out of white PE shorts!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">If you’re
thinking of a meatier self-employment option, using your skills to freelance in
your chosen area is definitely worth considering. It may not be exactly what
you’ve done before but break down your previous role into its constituent parts
and see where you can apply them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">5. Plan, A
Lot<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Planning is
essential. Anyone who knows me will tell you this is indeed my forte! I love to
plan. I love spreadsheets and lists too. My favourite gifts have included a
clipboard and vouchers for Paperchase. Anyway, work out when you need to be
around for the kids and where they’ll be when you’re working. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s important to be realistic about what’s
achievable in terms of working hours so you don’t set yourself up to fail…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">6. Accept
That Plans Fail, Regularly<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Despite all
your planning, things will still go wrong. Babysitters don’t arrive, trains get
delayed, kids get sick and schools close for snow days, burst water mains and viral
epidemics! Don’t stress, ride the rollercoaster and go with the flow. This
isn’t a skill I’ve perfected but I’m working on it. Other than that,
contingency plans are good. Having the phone numbers of other mums on speed
dial for emergencies is definitely advisable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">7. Prioritise<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Working out
how much money you need to make can be useful, or scary! But at least you’ll
know what you’re working towards. If you’re taking the spreadsheet approach,
firstly, welcome to my club! Secondly, make yourself three columns – what I
need, what I’d like and what I can do without. I need to pay my electricity
bill and I’d like to have the odd meal out but I could definitely ditch the
weight watchers magazine subscription! Seriously, check your direct debits for
things you’ve signed up for that you no longer need like insurance on now
obsolete appliances and deceased pets!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">8. Being
Good Enough<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Don’t beat
yourself up trying to work and be the perfect mum at the same time. If your
kids are fed, clean and clothed you’re doing a good job. If you generally get
them to school on time with most of their homework done and some of their
clothes labeled you’re doing a great job. If you also manage to organize their
birthday parties, put together their Victorian/Roman/Chicken costumes and get
their hair cut occasionally then you’re doing an amazing job! Give yourself a
break.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">9. Plan time
for you<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">In order to
maintain your sanity, or limit how far over the edge you go, it’s important to
make time for you too. Life isn’t just about work, kids, cooking, tidying,
cleaning, washing, ironing and finally sleeping. You need to have a life beyond
that. Have dinner with friends, maybe go on a date, start a hobby… do
something! And if you’re too shattered to go out, pamper yourself at home when
the kids go to bed with a candlelit bath, gentle music, face mask, manicure and
whatever else you fancy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">10. And
Finally… Do The Lottery!<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Well
someone’s got to win!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, going
back to work <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is </i>possible when you’re
single with kids – you just need to be open to new ideas. The work you find
yourself doing may not be what you had in mind when you were at school, it may
not even be where you see yourself in ten years time, but it’s a start. Some of
the most fantastic careers and inventions have been built on beginnings that
took an unexpected turn. Who knew that the not-so-sticky adhesive accidentally
developed by Spencer Silver at 3M would six years later become the basis for
the Post-it Note?!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I told you I
love stationery. I know a lot about it. Maybe a little too much…?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Get
list-making ladies!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-61243616671158051902016-01-21T23:59:00.002+00:002016-02-13T08:36:14.452+00:00Who’s Up For Some Zhooshing?!<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">After months
of anticipation and more planning emails than I dare to count, this weekend my
girlfriends and I finally escaped to Bath. Two nights. Six girls. No interruptions.
It was fantabulous!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The aim of
this annual event, as ever, was to enjoy great company, food, cocktails, shopping,
gossip, advice and laughter. And, we absolutely did! As this was my first
weekend away as a non-drinker (a story for a later blog post) I can tell you
that I also experimented with various mocktails and can highly recommend a
Virgin Mojito!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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</v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjQrdHSy2-iygF_DKjXjM3qntQbHifeSjPUfBds19p5vzIVNNaJV7MaTIHTR2kISlWxJoELnOpNgvtetry_fTL9dOtKD1qwjFoMoMruUzg0ehyphenhyphenISi0vbYg8f1_mDPanawzgn2oN_h8DO4/s1600/Drinks.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjQrdHSy2-iygF_DKjXjM3qntQbHifeSjPUfBds19p5vzIVNNaJV7MaTIHTR2kISlWxJoELnOpNgvtetry_fTL9dOtKD1qwjFoMoMruUzg0ehyphenhyphenISi0vbYg8f1_mDPanawzgn2oN_h8DO4/s320/Drinks.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Due to our
“baggage” we only manage this get together once a year. Let me elaborate.
Between us we have 5 husbands, 1 ex-husband, 17 children, 5 dogs and 3 cats.
The advance organization that goes into making sure all are safe and taken care
of in our absence makes running a multinational corporation look like a walk in
the park.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The lists created for the menfolk left in charge varied from a five page instruction manual
including timetable of children’s activities to detailed steps on how to wash
the school uniforms. Although, one of our group exclaimed last year over
breakfast, as she raised her eyes to the heavens, that if she ever got knocked
down by a bus the kids school kit bags would never be right again. Needless to
say, her husband was not given sports kit washing duty this time. He was merely
left a note saying “feed the dog”. Whilst one doesn’t want to be a control
freak, delegation is not always the best way to manage one’s affairs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The car
journey to Bath took almost 3 hours but the time flew by. It’s amazing how much
faster time passes when you’re not trapped in a confined space dealing with war
breaking out in the rear seats and stopping every half an hour for crisps,
toilet breaks and someone to vomit over the hard shoulder. Instead, we chatted,
ate our<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">canapés and
drank beverages from Coke to Becks Blue to Prosecco! How very civilized!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">During the
trip, I happened to mention I’d quite like to buy a jumper similar to the one I
was wearing. Little did I know where that statement would lead and the impact
my words would have…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmHLN7DHklxRJtQFPbC_P99fshKggrwhE8vc6moqkRM7oemuBjNaw6A-hCI9eQUk3hUMKb6Q_mrraJD-MkyCaj_P1JQOs8eqvpwBo64FjxZznbbt2VIXVqDDyB3ThpmpLjW1oOWVEWSMc/s1600/Jumper.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmHLN7DHklxRJtQFPbC_P99fshKggrwhE8vc6moqkRM7oemuBjNaw6A-hCI9eQUk3hUMKb6Q_mrraJD-MkyCaj_P1JQOs8eqvpwBo64FjxZznbbt2VIXVqDDyB3ThpmpLjW1oOWVEWSMc/s320/Jumper.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The six of
us shopped the next morning. They started gently, nudging me away from items
I’d selected, guiding me towards others. The narrative was innocuous. It consisted
of phrases such as “Yeeees, or you could try this one instead…” and “I wonder
whether this length might work better…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The team had
a point. Well, many as it happens. And, let me tell you, they weren’t afraid to
share. It’s lucky I love and trust them so much!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">You see, I’d
got myself into a bit of a clothes rut. Since the separation I’d stuck with the
same white t-shirts and blue jeans almost entirely. I didn’t want to buy
clothes because I hated my body and wanted to hold off until I’d lost some weight.
I’ve been saying that for some time now. So, I only bought practical items when
absolutely necessary, like a jumper when I was freezing cold. And I generally
bought things I liked but that used to suit my old body shape not my current
one (see <a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/a-different-sort-of-singleton.html">A Different Sort Of Singleton</a>).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">They quietly,
subtly, sucked me in. Their smiling faces and whispering voices drawing me
closer to their hangers of choice. By the third shop, the rules had changed.
The façade had fallen and the calm had flown out the window.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">These
loving, caring friends had turned into a plague of locusts devouring everything
in the shop, rattling through sale racks, grabbing anything that took their
fancy and throwing aside anything vaguely resembling the poor forgotten jumper
sitting alone in my hotel room.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">It was like
being serviced by a team of professional dressers. Remember the nice shop
assistants in Pretty Woman scurrying around Julia Roberts with a pile of
clothes? It was a bit like that, only much scarier. There may have been rules
about the number of people allowed in a changing area but no one was about to
mess with this team and ask them to wait outside! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">They each
adopted an unofficial role:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">1. The Risk
Taker – Pushing the boundaries and getting me to try on items I wouldn’t
normally give a second look. Allowing new things a chance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">2. The
Barometer – Using her expressions and tone to indicate whether an item worked
(applause and cries of “Yes!”) or not (collapsed on the floor crying with
laughter unable to speak).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">3. The
Jeweller – Always ready with a necklace, often one of her own.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">4. The Scarf
Stylist – Giving guidance on ways to wear a scarf, patterns, which colours complemented my skin tone and which colours made me look “washed out”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">5. The
Diplomat – There to soften the blow when suggestions became a little too
direct. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">(Ladies, if
you’re reading this, I promise I love you all and this was such a fun
experience!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The team
also had shared roles so all members were Colour Analysts, Confidence Builders
and Zhooshers. Crikey the zhooshing was something else! For those of you with
lexical interests, the verb “zhoosh” was added to the Oxford English Dictionary
in March 2006. Believe me there was much debate about its spelling whilst we were
away. But basically it means adjusting your attire. I haven’t been yanked
around and groped like that since dating my first proper and somewhat
inexperienced boyfriend! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But
zhooshing is essential. One poorly zhooshed jumper led to a “floppy boob with
fabric tucked underneath it” scenario which wasn’t attractive but once suitably
adjusted got a round of applause and a ticket to the “yes” pile.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">It did,
however become ever so slightly competitive. There was a points system
developed so a team member who had picked an item of clothing from the rack
scored a point if it ended up on the “yes” pile. On more than one occasion
there was a stand off between the one who saw it first and the one who got to
it first. Then a fight broke out when the suggestion of putting a white shirt
under a sparkly jumper was hijacked by another for use beneath a second top.
Necklaces were ripped from each other's necks in order to accessorize better
than anyone else. I won’t lie, it got ugly. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But, that
evening, we went out for dinner, and I wore my new skirt (I know, me in a skirt?!)
and other purchases from the day. I felt fantastic. I had confidence I hadn’t
experienced in months. My shape was irrelevant because the clothes were chosen
to suit. The outfit wasn’t expensive and there were no designer labels, but I
felt like a catwalk model. Well, almost. I felt good about myself and that
shone through, making me walk taller and smile all night. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">“Fashion is not necessarily about labels. It’s not
about brands. It’s about something else that comes from within you.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ralph
Lauren<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The next
morning I made a little promise to myself. I would take care of myself and take
pride in myself again. Not for anyone else but for me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I’ve been
home four days now… My tracksuit bottoms and Uggs haven’t seen the light of
day. Instead, each morning I’ve selected clothes that suited me, accessorized,
stepped into clean boots, put on my make-up and zhooshed myself silly! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I now enjoy the performance of getting dressed each morning, thinking
about who I am and how I want to be perceived. I’ve come to love taking care of
myself, something that I believed for quite some time was an unnecessary chore.
I love how I feel when I walk out the door each day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">It’s interesting how people have commented that something’s different
about me but they can’t necessarily put their finger on it. It’s more than just
the clothes and a bit of lippy. It’s me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><i>“Vain trifles as
they seem, clothes have, they say, more important offices than to merely keep
us warm. They change our view of the world and the world's view of us.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Virginia
Woolf<o:p></o:p></i></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I’m still
me. But I want to be the best me that I can be. And now I’m looking at the
world through more confident, happier eyes and the world seems to be looking at
me differently too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I can’t wait
to see what happens next…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Thank you to my wonderful friends. You may have excelled at zhooshing
this weekend, but you exceed my expectations every single day. Without you, over
this last couple of years, I’d be lost… and really badly dressed!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Now, where did I put that spotty scarf…?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-29531574010181481102016-01-15T02:02:00.001+00:002016-01-15T17:57:39.302+00:00The Unexpected Post<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Having set you
up over the New Year period to get your groove on and contemplate flirting (see <a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/dont-look-down.html">Don't Look Down</a>), or
at the very least make eye contact with members of the opposite sex, this post
was going to be the next installment. Seduction Sequel. Part II: The Chat Up
Chick. Return of The Single Mingler. The title needs work obviously. And a lot
of work at that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">But events
this week have taken over. Namely, brilliant people keep dying. Two iconic,
British, internationally renowned stars passed away. Both aged 69. Both very
private individuals. Both after battling cancer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I didn’t want
to jump on the obituary bandwagon but every time I started writing, from
whichever topic area I began, I kept drifting back to the news that had evoked
such emotion in me. I guess that’s the nature of writing a semi-personal blog. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I thought
about why it was important to me to write about it, and it finally dawned on
me. This isn’t about being part of the media circus. It’s not me telling you I
once had my hair cut by David Bowie’s cousin’s next door neighbour or that I
worked in the coffee shop where Alan Rickman’s first drama teacher’s dog walker
drinks cappuccino. Neither of which are true, by the way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">This was
about three things. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">First and
foremost, I have the most immense amount of respect and admiration for the
talent both men displayed over decades in the entertainment/arts industry and
how they lived their lives. By that, I mean that we don’t know how they lived
their lives. Exactly! They were public faces who managed to keep their private
lives private. It IS possible after all! The world is a lesser place for their
passing, but a better place for their time here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Secondly, at
one time or another I have had quite a serious crush on each of them!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">For Bowie,
it was the 1986 film Labyrinth where he played Jareth the Goblin King. I even
have it on DVD! I remember fantasizing about being Jennifer Connelly and
dancing with him at the masked ball.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
was 13, at the time. Watching the film again this week brought back such lovely
innocent first crush feelings!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRDOJnojYgsiVk28kEqGGXtLs3F53dVcD5eJ-gBaB3nD3rEJ6bLyHQlb9reJSZa2AoUWCVNVgWaZxphbgHCmtGd3gXQuupfEOGNmihD6UXoIEObB294flSbkkrag-vOYYebG_bsDI0gBc/s1600/Bowie.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRDOJnojYgsiVk28kEqGGXtLs3F53dVcD5eJ-gBaB3nD3rEJ6bLyHQlb9reJSZa2AoUWCVNVgWaZxphbgHCmtGd3gXQuupfEOGNmihD6UXoIEObB294flSbkkrag-vOYYebG_bsDI0gBc/s320/Bowie.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Clearly I
was very innocent at the time. I now realize he was wearing very tight leggings
and saying that they left little to the imagination is a definite
understatement. I was tempted to put a picture on here to illustrate the point,
as it were, but I didn’t want to have my blog shut down for contravening
decency rules!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Anyway, it’s
a great film as any collaboration between Jim Henson and Terry Jones inevitably
must be! And for fans of Harry Potter, should you watch this movie, keep your
eyes and ears open to spot the bits that clearly inspired J K Rowling along the
way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">My crush on
Alan Rickman was from the 1991 film Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves where he
played the slightly evil Sheriff Of Nottingham. I was 18 by then.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVR6MvPMxvgMViTbyIUoIbgse4QCgMJKSMtG-ZrYc6kqQ3K9lKUbQ4BE8Iq-yPJp3JcwkfHHs69DNXNbMhR7Mg0H4uIu41Iu_Jo-uyjvxZbcZ6xtmwdvvmfYutwwusc-kh0xzaeBP54JQ/s1600/Rickman.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVR6MvPMxvgMViTbyIUoIbgse4QCgMJKSMtG-ZrYc6kqQ3K9lKUbQ4BE8Iq-yPJp3JcwkfHHs69DNXNbMhR7Mg0H4uIu41Iu_Jo-uyjvxZbcZ6xtmwdvvmfYutwwusc-kh0xzaeBP54JQ/s320/Rickman.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">You have to
admit there was something quite appealing about him dressed in black, snarling
sarcastically, with a wicked sense of humour and immaculate comic timing.
Besides, who hasn’t secretly wanted to use the line “I’m gonna cut your heart
out with a spoon!” I know I have. But just try telling your kids that he was an
actor long before playing Professor Snape and you’ve got your work cut out!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Clearly I
was more into bad boys and villains than imaginary goblin kings by the end of
my teenage years. My therapist would have a field day with that I’m sure!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">However, my
respect for Bowie and Rickman as artists and the fact that I had fancied the
socks off them both in the past wasn’t what made me wobble when I heard the
news of their deaths. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">It was the
shock. They were individuals in the limelight whom I had no personal links to
but whom I assumed would just be around forever. It’s not that I’d given their
supposed immortality any thought, but it seemed wrong to me that they should
die. And it felt like it would always be big news in my world. But it doesn’t
happen like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Monday’s
news was dominated by David Bowie. By Tuesday, there wasn’t much to add and on Wednesday it was no longer in the headlines. By Thursday, there was mention of his
cremation but that was then overtaken by the news of Alan Rickman. And then both
stories were swiftly superseded by the three Hatton Garden jewellery store
robbers having just been found guilty. Was that really it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I remember
when I was a kid hearing my Mum and Dad talking about some famous people and
they were trying, mid conversation, to recall whether they were dead or alive.
I thought this was utterly ridiculous! How could you possibly not remember
whether someone famous has died or not! How forgetful could my parents possibly
be? They must be losing their marbles. Every time a celebrity died it was
clearly imprinted on my brain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">But as the
years went by, I began to understand. Too many people die for us to remember
them all, and these days I find myself doing the same thing, unable to say for
sure if certain people are still around or if they’ve passed away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Don’t get me
wrong, some leave their mark more than others. Freddie Mercury, Michael
Jackson, Patrick Swayze, John Thaw, Princess Diana, Amy Winehouse, Whitney
Houston, Dudley Moore, Robin Williams. And now David Bowie and Alan Rickman.
Random to some people but our own list is powerful to us for our own reasons.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">As we get
older, and certainly by the time we’re in our 40s, we lose more people around
us. Some closer than others. Partners, family, friends, peers… no wonder we
can’t remember all the celebrities that have gone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">The world
keeps turning.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">But for the families,
the loss is still raw long after the tabloids have moved onto their next
feeding frenzy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Back in my
first post on this blog (see <a href="http://singleplusbaggage.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/single-plus-baggage.html">Single Plus Baggage</a>) I said that after losing someone you have people
around you, supporting you, caring for you and loving you. But when they go
home to their families and you close the door it’s just you. You’re left
wondering what just happened. Why me? Why us?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">The answer
is everywhere. Today it’s you or me that’s suffering but tomorrow it’ll be
someone else. So while it feels like your pain is unbearable and rest of the
world’s gone out to play, remember it does get better. It doesn’t disappear,
but it does become manageable. And life goes on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Quite
literally as I am typing this, I have just heard of the death of someone
special to me. They were only in my life for a short while, but they’ve left a
lasting impression. I will always be grateful for their compassion, kindness
and words of wisdom. Silverado, you lived life to the full. Rest In Peace.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">So, this
rather unexpected and now slightly abruptly ending post is dedicated to those
we have loved and lost. I like to think of them all up in heaven, or wherever
you believe we end up, partying together. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">What else
are we to do today but put on our red shoes and dance the blues? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s dance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">To quote
Davie Bowie… “I don’t know where I’m going from here, but I promise it won’t be
boring.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Normal
service will resume next week.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-88845770621985361892016-01-07T22:20:00.001+00:002016-02-13T09:12:59.175+00:00The Fear<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The
decorations are down, the lights have been boxed up, the tree has been
consigned to the recycling centre and the last of the Ferrero Rocher have been
eaten. All that remains of Christmas and New Year 2015/16 are dents in the
carpet where I rearranged the furniture to accommodate the tree, and a few
extra inches on my waistline!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, life’s
getting back to normal again. I love the festivities but I also adore that
first evening after reclaiming the lounge. No longer are we in danger of
standing on rogue Lego pieces from Santa’s latest offering or risking seizures
brought on by excessive twinkly lights in our midst. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">It also
means the kids going back to school and the return of normal working hours. PJs
will no longer be acceptable attire until midday and meals must contain more
vegetables than chocolate. It’s back to the real world people. Move along,
nothing to see here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Whilst I
look forward to the comfort of my daily routine, it does mean bursting the
festive bubble. No more putting things off until after Christmas or waiting for
2016. That time is now. It’s time to deal with “stuff” again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">That brings
with it the stark reminder of my Single Plus Baggage status. And for the first
time since advent began, this week I was visited by my arch nemesis – The 3am
Fear!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiReDmdmYLug9L6q6OJjjKGP6-BBX9zgAqQOEbRUx0tq0peu_Enlj-CrBP9oLhsjOINvvOCEq2_J8yyCO525br_zOWesVPLEwu2-V7i7cM0Qx9XqglqFwCjJ-C368ldKsBhqtyLEqZTPCo/s1600/Fear.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiReDmdmYLug9L6q6OJjjKGP6-BBX9zgAqQOEbRUx0tq0peu_Enlj-CrBP9oLhsjOINvvOCEq2_J8yyCO525br_zOWesVPLEwu2-V7i7cM0Qx9XqglqFwCjJ-C368ldKsBhqtyLEqZTPCo/s320/Fear.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Forget
monsters under the bed or in the wardrobe. The 3am Fear can’t be eradicated by
shining a torch into a dark corner to expose an innocent teddy bear or pile of
lost socks. It grips our very souls, takes away our common sense and leaves us
gibbering wrecks in the middle of the night.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And what is
it we’re so terrified of at this ridiculous hour? The answer is, the future.
All of it. Stretching out ahead of us with no certainty to cling onto. Kids,
home, income, car, pension, health, job, family, friends, pets… I could go on
but I don’t want to add something you haven’t already thought of!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Everyone has
worries and the potential to wake up in the night but since becoming Single
Plus Baggage, this little issue seems to have exploded out of all proportion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Not only has
the departure of our partners been the cause of this additional uncertainty,
now we don’t even have that particular someone to talk it through with or at
the very least “accidentally” wake up in the middle of the night as we thrash
around stressing. There seems to be something of an injustice here!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, what are
we going to do about it? Are we going to blame our absent soul mate for all
that is scary in our world? I hear some of you clapping and cheering at this
point but let me stop you there. The answer I was actually looking for was “Oh
no we won’t SPB!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">As tempting
as it is to blame those no longer in our lives, it doesn’t really solve
anything. In fact, the relentless anger it can cause just leads to further sleepless
nights and, in extreme circumstances, restraining orders should those black thoughts
be followed up with actions. Instead, let’s look at what we’re actually doing to
ourselves and deal with it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">What we tend
to do in the middle of the night is catastrophize. I promise you, that’s a real
word. One of my new favourites actually. That means we overthink our situation
and do three things – overestimate the chances of something bad happening,
overestimate the magnitude of that event and underestimate our ability to cope
with it. Basically, we assume the worst case scenario will definitely happen, that
we have absolutely no control over it and we won’t cope with it when it becomes
reality.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, you decide
in your head that your ex will meet a younger woman, get married, go on
honeymoon, get trampled to death by an elephant and the new bride will
disappear with all the money leaving you with no income. Or, if your husband
has already passed away, the life assurance company takes back your pay out due
to the fact that your loved one inadvertently put the wrong date on the
application form.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Either way,
you have no money, are forced to sell your home and car then live in a tent
near the kids’ school as you can’t afford the bus. You fail to cope with the
new turn of events and turn to drink. You arrive late for pick up daily, cheer
on the wrong team at matches and attempt to snog the games teacher when he asks
if you’re ok.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I’m being a
bit flippant here but you get the idea. We imagine a minor issue, extrapolate
it to the absolute worst possible and least likely conclusion, and then assume
we can’t do anything to stop it or manage it. Panic sets in and we’re awake for
hours.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">In the cold
light of day, we can generally recognize this as faulty thinking. Being aware
that we are catastrophizing enables us to look more realistically at the
scenario we’ve generated and reduce the chance of a recurrence the following
night.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But does
that help us when we’re actually in the grip of The 3am Fear? Not really, no.
Our catastrophizing mind batters our logical brain into submission and takes
over. This is when we need to use the following 5 steps:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">1. Get Out
Of Bed <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">We need to
associate bed with positive memories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m referring to sleep, amongst other things. We most definitely do not
want to associate it with fear, angst and tears else the sight of our bed may
well trigger further anxiety next time we try to get a good night’s sleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, first and foremost, get up out of bed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">2. Keep
Lighting Dimmed<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Whether you
sit in a chair in your room, get a warm decaffeinated drink from the kitchen or
go into the lounge, keep the lights dimmed. Here’s the science bit… exposure to
light at night, particularly backlights on iPhones and similar devices, can
suppress the production of melatonin, the hormone that helps regulate our
sleeping/waking cycle. This effectively means we trick our brains into thinking
it’s morning and we wake up ready to greet the day. So keep the lights low and
avoid screens. This is not the time to be checking Facebook, for so many
reasons!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">3. Write It
Down<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">By putting
pen to paper your thoughts can be safely stored for you to review, ridicule and
rationalize later at your leisure, thus freeing up your brain for sleepy
thoughts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">4. Distraction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Choosing a
non-stimulating distraction can be helpful. Reading a favourite old book,
picking up some simple knitting or going through a movie in your head can all
be useful. Watching a thriller or reconciling your bank statement less so! I
sometimes think back to a spa I once went to and imagine myself wandering around
different parts of it. Bliss! And definitely cheaper than the real thing!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">5. Relaxation<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">When you’re
feeling calmer, climb back into bed and run through some breathing exercises or
meditations. Having said iPhones are out, there are a number of useful
mediation apps, some with relaxing music that goes off after a pre-set time. I
quite like silently talking to each of my muscles in turn telling them to
relax. I start with my toes and work up slowly all the way to my jaw, face and
forehead, letting my body get heavier and heavier. If my mind wanders, I simply
start again. It usually does the trick and I drift off to sleep.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">After a
decent snooze, the things you were terrified about won’t seem anywhere near as
bad. That said, don’t think for a moment I’m belittling your fears. They are
genuine concerns about your future, the blueprint for which has been replaced
with tearstained divorce or probate papers. Fear is an essential part of human
survival, keeping us on our toes and safe from predators.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But just
because things have changed and life is no longer what you planned, don’t
assume that everything that comes your way will be negative. You don’t know
what tomorrow will bring. There’ll be difficulties just as in anyone’s life,
but there are also likely to be opportunities you didn’t anticipate either.
Chance meetings with new people could light the way for unexpected friendships,
hobbies, travel, career paths, anything!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Keep an open
mind. You might just be pleasantly surprised by where life takes you!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Sleep tight!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">
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<!--StartFragment-->
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<a href="" style="background-color: transparent; background-image: url(data:image/png; border: none; cursor: pointer; display: none; height: 20px; opacity: 0.85; position: absolute; width: 40px; z-index: 8675309;"></a><a href="" style="background-color: transparent; background-image: url(data:image/png; border: none; cursor: pointer; display: none; height: 20px; opacity: 0.85; position: absolute; width: 40px; z-index: 8675309;"></a>Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-31136642942236560122015-12-30T19:25:00.002+00:002016-02-22T14:49:53.638+00:00Don't Look Down<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, it’s
nearly New Year’s Eve and this is my final post of 2015. I could waffle on
about this last year – the difficulties, the triumphs, the lessons learned. Or
I could look to the year ahead – my plans, hopes and aspirations. Instead, I’m
choosing to live in the moment, something I’m generally rubbish at doing.
However, a good friend of mine who’s into mindfulness has got me trying to do
exactly that - focusing on and enjoying what I’m doing now. I’m sure there’s
more to it than that but it’ll do for the time being.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5Al8uBcwe20GUU7Q1VRfkOumUzbIW7DuijOyGF9EcLxN_T6WUfPhpdfBlhQE52cE61g0qUDlD8q5HFxiJ9sjFLvOSZTaxLVj4LFiiHA1PXo-3FY6irF4aViPqa97za9pVWveZ71BJqw4/s1600/Fireworks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5Al8uBcwe20GUU7Q1VRfkOumUzbIW7DuijOyGF9EcLxN_T6WUfPhpdfBlhQE52cE61g0qUDlD8q5HFxiJ9sjFLvOSZTaxLVj4LFiiHA1PXo-3FY6irF4aViPqa97za9pVWveZ71BJqw4/s400/Fireworks.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">In the now I’m
thinking about New Year’s Eve parties and celebrations. Parties in my younger
days used to be an opportunity to go out with friends, dance, drink and wonder
if Mr Right would show up and sweep me off my feet. These days, parties usually
mean me ferrying small people to a venue with laser combat, Nerf guns,
trampolines, cheerleading instructors, cupcake baking or go-karting, although
not usually at the same time. I generally return two hours later to collect a
hyperactive yet exhausted and pale-faced child to be whisked home at speed
before they spread the entire contents of their party bag all over the back
seat of the car.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But what
about a New Year’s Eve party for us 40-something singletons? What are we
supposed to do? Well, here’s your answer… Do what we did as kids or in our 20s
and 30s – eat cake, have fun, make new friends and just maybe meet someone we
might like to spend more time with. And how do we do that? Well, we need to
flirt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Ok, so I can
hear the gasps of horror from my desk. Don’t panic ladies. I’m not sending you
out there without the right preparation. I’ll be your wingman. I’ve done the
groundwork, researched what seemed to come naturally all those years ago, and
compiled my top ten tips for flirting in your forties!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Now, for all
those planning to stay in this New Year, don’t think this let’s you off the
hook. Oh no! We’re all in this together remember? If you’re having an evening
in, presumably you’ll still need to go to the supermarket for supplies or take
the kids/dog/bearded dragon for a breath of fresh air at the park/woods/beach.
These tips are for you too!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And might I
add, you happily married types need to read on too. There’s something quite
luscious about flirting unexpectedly with your long-term partner. Give it a go
and enjoy the outcome!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">According to
my research there are plenty of opportunities to flirt. That doesn’t mean
pinning a guy to a wall until he capitulates and gives you his mobile number,
favourite honeymoon destination and ring size. It means being open to
possibilities. So, whether you find yourself at a party, café, art gallery, work
conference or woodland park the rules are essentially the same.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But, don’t
reserve your flirtation for “the one”. You need to practise! Very few of us,
after all these years, are likely to get it right first time and I’d rather not
send my knight in shining armour cantering for the hills because I was lazy and
didn’t exercise my flirt muscles first.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Let me
explain. This week, while the kids were with my ex, I took my dog for a walk
along the coastal promenade and I made it my business to be open to
opportunities. I was utterly rubbish!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I couldn’t
look at any guy. My gaze seemed to be glued to the ground with only a brief
glance up, the odd smirk rather than smile and disturbingly I also appeared to have
become mute. It was not my finest hour. Even the rather lovely looking guy
walking his dog on a skateboard (the owner not the dog) who smiled and said
“Hi” got very little from me. Now don’t you start yelling “cougar” at me! He
was around my age, perhaps a teensy bit younger, quite sporty looking and
clearly had found an energy saving dog walking technique… or a quick mode of
escape from cougars! Alas, due to my lack of preparation, I’ll never know.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Anyway, my
point is, practice is essential! With it comes skill, confidence and a stack of
amusing stories you’re free to share with us all in the comments section at the
end of this blog! If I’m putting myself out there it’s only fair you fess up
too!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, let’s
get down to business! Here are my top ten tips for forties flirting. Start with
number 1 and work your way through the list!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">1. Don’t
Look Down <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Unless you
are fortunate enough to have a man already on their knees at your feet, don’t
look down! You need to look up and maintain eye contact. Advice varies on how
long this should be but most sources suggest about 3 seconds or, as one lovely
friend once said, just a little longer than is comfortable!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">2. Smile<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Keep it
natural! Demonic grins are a tad off putting. Notice how you smile or laugh
when the kids say something amusing or your girlfriends relay a funny story.
That’s what you’re trying to emulate. If that means showing teeth then so be
it. But make sure you’ve flossed!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">3. Speak<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">At this
early stage of communication, merely being able to say “Hi” without your voice
cracking is a good start. Say it a few times to yourself, in the bathroom if
necessary, before attempting it on a living human being.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">4. Use Your
Body <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Go easy here
ladies. I’m not suggesting your start rubbing yourself against your chosen
target lambada stylie. I’m talking about keeping your hands to yourself for now
and merely leaning in. Then you can add smoothing your clothes, touching your
face, parting your hair, stroking your glass, manipulating your drink stirrer,
adjusting your jewellery and so on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">5. Light Conversation<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Don’t open
with anything along the lines of “my husband just died/ran off with the
nanny/realized he was gay and now lives with his gym instructor.” Equally,
suggesting a weekend away may be premature. Stick with talking about the event,
food, drink, friends in common or, if you’re desperate, the weather. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">6. Compliment
Him<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Girls
compliment girls all the time on their hair, skin, make-up, clothes, shoes, bags
etc. No one ever compliments a guy, with the possible exception of his Mum.
Commenting on his eyes, smile or clothing is quite safe. Avoid the trouser area
at all costs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">7. Touch Him
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I said touch
not grope! Briefly placing your hand on an arm or knee can be wonderfully sensual
for you both whilst still remaining at a relatively safe level of contact.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">8. Mirror
Behaviour<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">This is one
of my favourites! Couples over time tend to mimic each other’s behaviour
without realising it. If you start to do this with someone you’ve just met it
creates a sense of intimacy that can be quite tantalizing! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just don’t overdo it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">9. Progressing
Conversation<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Ask questions
and be interested in the answers. Explore hobbies and passions, and don’t
forget to open up about what you enjoy too. These conversations are more
memorable and it gives you both an opportunity to see if you have anything in
common or if there’s a spark worth nurturing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">10. Call To
Action<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Let’s be
honest, guys don’t often pick up on our subtle ways and subliminal messages so
let’s spell it out for them! If you’re interested, tell him. By that, I mean
don’t just end on a polite “It’s been lovely chatting to you”. You need to add
in “Maybe we could do this again sometime.” Unless you’re not interested of
course, in which case get out of there and don’t leave any evidence of your
identity!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">How
difficult does that sound??? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, ladies,
this is your New Year’s challenge. Get your flirt on! That doesn’t mean you
have to marry the first guy you smile at. You just need to get back into
communicating with adult males, or females if you choose, in a way that doesn’t
involve drop off logistics for a kids’ rugby match!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I’d love to
hear your tips, success stories and anecdotes so feel free to leave a comment
below or email me directly at singleplusbaggage@gmail.com.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And if you
remember nothing else when you’re out and about this New Year, remember rule
number one - don’t look down!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Happy New
Year everyone!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-72224659408944377532015-12-25T00:04:00.001+00:002015-12-25T00:04:49.291+00:00Merry Christmas!<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Dear Friends</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Have a wonderful Christmas</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh89nRq9wh4Ivs3LlT1YdppqN5EhyR-7BETtmblkvyQOGGD2ttHUYToGuobbPVYFcCBHHlKaiCrq-MycUC0L5KOKdPGnkH4vwdvp7IcEpZ267kmZkTXvZFqjQLFnIFAxKeFFZ2GjRWCUCE/s1600/Malteser+Christmas+Pudding.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh89nRq9wh4Ivs3LlT1YdppqN5EhyR-7BETtmblkvyQOGGD2ttHUYToGuobbPVYFcCBHHlKaiCrq-MycUC0L5KOKdPGnkH4vwdvp7IcEpZ267kmZkTXvZFqjQLFnIFAxKeFFZ2GjRWCUCE/s320/Malteser+Christmas+Pudding.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
With love</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
SPB</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
xxx</div>
Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-34333321244004845712015-12-23T00:59:00.000+00:002016-02-22T14:46:34.971+00:00Cookies, Lego & The Wizard Of Oz! <div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, here it comes…
the first Christmas of my new life! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Actually,
that’s not strictly true. Last year was my first Christmas as a single woman again,
but if I can get my hands on the video evidence of me singing with my sisters
in pyjamas and a sombrero I’m hoping no one will remember it – I certainly
don’t. Judging by how I felt on Boxing Day, I’m fairly sure there was a large
amount of wine consumed. I’m not proud of it. This year, I think I’ll be
favouring the Becks Blue!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Anyway, I’ve
been thinking about Christmas traditions and wondering what to do this year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBtaKQzqhUzj4-aycqOeB6vX4Y5L78InUpzXQ_9BBnakHGwqvAYxWpvHcXQRxLrWGa9XRgnU3XS5onxL3ntKefMrGkuH-VXKMh8Wz9mYIfUiPJPSiAo3nlb8XYpTC8A2RoCU0w_vCY98w/s1600/Wizard+of+Oz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBtaKQzqhUzj4-aycqOeB6vX4Y5L78InUpzXQ_9BBnakHGwqvAYxWpvHcXQRxLrWGa9XRgnU3XS5onxL3ntKefMrGkuH-VXKMh8Wz9mYIfUiPJPSiAo3nlb8XYpTC8A2RoCU0w_vCY98w/s400/Wizard+of+Oz.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">My first
instinct was to hang on to as many traditions as possible that the kids and I
were used to. I wanted to show them, and myself, that the divorce hadn’t
changed our world that much after all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">That meant doing
lovely things like baking lemon cookies together with all my nieces and nephews,
making a table centrepiece and, of course, me staying up until 3am on the
lounge floor wrapping presents whilst watching Love Actually on DVD, then being
unable to stand upright for the next week. Oh the joys of Christmas! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">It also
meant an afternoon at Winter Wonderland dodging other Bambiesque patrons on the
ice rink, getting soaked in the 4D cinema and risking serious injury on the
bumper cars and slides… Two years ago my son ignored the sign telling him not
to jump on the mammoth bouncy slide saying he thought it was one of those
warnings they didn’t really mean. He ended up with a nasty friction burn. It’s
the health and safety equivalent of crying wolf. Too many warnings about the
dangers of monkey bars, perils of conkers and certain death associated with
frolicking on trampolines mean that kids today understandably become a little blasé
about such signs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Moving on, whilst
planning the traditional Christmas jollies, I had a small internal crisis.
Maybe I’d got it wrong? Maybe this was the time for fresh beginnings and
starting new traditions - replacing the Christmas pudding no one ever eats with
a Malteser chocolate cake version and getting the kids to make a table
centerpiece of their own. I was thinking along the lines of pinecones, twigs,
leaves, berries and all things natural. They, on the other hand, chose Lego.
I’m trying so hard not to at least suggest a colour scheme! I have, however,
specified it needs to accommodate a candle. Health and safety wise it’s a much
better option than mine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Then I got
thinking about old traditions from my childhood – Dad saving the tips he got
from his second job to buy a Christmas board game, Mum putting raffle prizes in
a hollow Father Christmas to be drawn at the dinner table, and not forgetting watching
The Wizard Of Oz on television.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">If you
haven’t seen it… how have you managed that? Anyway, here’s the gist. During a
tornado Dorothy bangs her head and dreams she’s lost, trying to get home. The
Good Witch Of The North tells her to follow the Yellow Brick Road to the Emerald
City and get help from the Wizard of Oz. On the way she fends off the Wicked
Witch Of The West and meets up with three likely lads – the Tin Man who wants a
heart, the Cowardly Lion who wants courage and the Scarecrow who wants a brain.
The Wizard grants all their wishes but disappears before he can return Dorothy
home. However, on the advice of the Good Witch, she closes her eyes and clicks
the heels of her ruby shoes together three times whilst uttering the words “there’s
no place like home”. Soon she’s back where she belongs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">That’s
definitely the abridged version and I’ve missed out a stack of detail with more
symbolism than you’ll ever believe. Seriously, type “symbolism in The Wizard of
Oz” into Google and you’ll get entries as far apart as feminism, conspiracy
theory, Jung’s psychoanalytic theories, religion, atheism, the collapse of the US
populist movement and American monetary policy! I kid you not.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I’m going
for a slightly less highbrow interpretation if I may. I believe, and I think my
psychotherapist would agree with me here, that this is just about life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Life is a
journey – yes, I said the “j” word! We’re following our own Yellow Brick Road
in search of the person who can give us the answers. We think there’s a Wizard
out there that can make it right but actually, we have the power within
ourselves to get to where we want to be. We just have to believe we can do it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And the
three travelling companions are really all parts of us. We beat ourselves up if
we feel we’ve been lacking in heart just because we snapped at the kids when we
didn’t mean to or ran out of time to visit a friend we planned to catch up with.
We chastise ourselves for being too scared to take a risk in work, home or
love. Then we punish ourselves for being brainless and making a mistake. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But we’re
only human, just like everyone else. Our heart is only so big, not all risks
are worth taking and mistakes are how we learn. Plus, it’s useful for our kids
to see that we’re not perfect so they don’t grow up expecting too much of
themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">As for the
Wicked Witch Of The West, we’re always going to encounter people working
against us. Although they generally won’t set a hoard of flying monkeys on us
as in the film, they have the potential to make our life tricky and we just
have to manage them as best we can. On the other hand, if they do attempt the
monkey thing, I’d go with some sort of banana distraction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And what
about the sparkly red shoes? Who wouldn’t want a pair of those? Where do you
think Christian Louboutin got the idea for red soles? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Despite the
imperfections of her home life, all Dorothy really wanted was to get back to
her family. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for? So what if our family isn’t
the traditional format? Neither was Dorothy’s. She was an orphaned teen living
with her aunt and uncle. No one has the perfect, normal life. There’s no such
thing. Home and family are defined by us - kids, partners, pets, extended
family, friends, hangers on… and you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Whether you
want to anaylse the film’s intentions in depth or just kick your shoes off and
escape to Oz for a while, it’s a classic worthy of its place in the traditional
Christmas television schedule. For info, that’s 3.10pm, Christmas Day, Channel
5.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But, maybe
we don’t have to choose between the new, the old and the very old traditions.
Perhaps it’s time to merge them all, selecting our favourite traditions and
creating our Christmas, our way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, I’ll
enjoy the new Malteser Christmas Pudding and marvel at the ultra modern Lego
centrepiece but I’ll also relish baking lemon cookies, sitting on the floor
playing a family board game and maybe snuggling up with the kids to watch The
Wizard of Oz too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Close your
eyes ladies, click those heels together and say to yourselves three times
“there’s no place like home”. Never doubt that you have the heart, courage and
brain to make it the best Christmas ever for you and your family.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Merry
Christmas!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-21010216969763676642015-12-16T23:50:00.001+00:002016-02-22T14:44:49.260+00:00Christmas Is Coming!<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Some days, I
just don’t want Christmas to happen. I want to pack it all up into a box and
stick it back in the loft. Earlier this week I found myself, not unusually, in
the supermarket. But I desperately wanted to run back out, jump in the car and
go home. I didn’t want to be around the twinkly lights, festive songs, tins of
Roses, mince pies, Baileys and antler wearing staff. I only went in for bleach!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I know
everyone feels a bit that way at this time of year, but being Single Plus Baggage
this advent has brought with it a new level of emptiness in the silent echoing
gaps between songs and celebrations.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaDllcnYEQqFrL4TD6_DyS4rB04LthZT1ueZWntO1JES5v13sMNcXXT1XOjyX82__2XUcT6KSJFWFnysOlcmL7tHtzexKnvc0nvSuStD7wmhkr0D10p85VhWvnElO9TyyjH1AT2fBj-fU/s1600/Christmas+Shop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaDllcnYEQqFrL4TD6_DyS4rB04LthZT1ueZWntO1JES5v13sMNcXXT1XOjyX82__2XUcT6KSJFWFnysOlcmL7tHtzexKnvc0nvSuStD7wmhkr0D10p85VhWvnElO9TyyjH1AT2fBj-fU/s320/Christmas+Shop.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I don’t want
to think about happy families singing carols around the piano, opening presents
together by the tree and laughing happily as they look adoringly at each other
over the turkey, trying not to spill gravy on their matching festive jumpers. I
want to hide under my duvet and not resurface until January.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But, I have
two fabulous children for whom the show must go on! So I pulled myself together
and headed up to the school for an early morning concert.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Apart from
being enormously proud of my children singing in their respective choirs, I was
moved beyond words by another performance. A group of year 4 girls sang “Where
Are You Christmas” from “How The Grinch Stole Christmas”, a superb film I can highly
recommend. Anyway, one of these little ladies was extra special. I’ve watched her
mature and blossom over the last 9 years, and she was amazing. She sang and
smiled in angelic innocence throughout. And I cried…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Where are you Christmas?</span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Why can't I find you?</span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Why have you gone away?</span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Where is the laughter </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">You used to bring me?</span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Why can't I hear music play?</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">My world is changing</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I'm rearranging</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Does that mean Christmas changes too?</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">My emotions were raging out of control and my lips were
quivering dangerously, threatening to release a full on wail. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I adored Christmas as a child. I even loved Christmas as
an adult. But those were simpler times. A traditional family with a mum, a dad
and kids. We would choose whether to stay at home on our own, invite other
family or go to theirs instead. Suddenly, just because there’s no husband in
the picture, the kids and I are viewed as an incomplete family. Whatever will
become of us in this time of good cheer? What if we “end up on our own?” The
concerns visible on the faces of loving friends and family echo my own bleak
thoughts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I looked into the beautifully sincere faces of the girls
who were singing straight into my heart. I dared not blink in case I released
the cascade of tears welling up in my eyes…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Where are you Christmas?</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Do you remember</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The one you used to know?</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I'm not the same one</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">See what the time's done</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Is that why you have let me go?</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But Christmas hasn’t let me go because I’ve got older, or because I’m
no longer a wife. I’m the same person I was. I value and enjoy the same things.
I can choose. I can choose to let Christmas go or I can choose to grab it by
the reindeer horns and have some fun like the old days. I clenched my tissues
tightly as the girls sang on…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Christmas is here</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Everywhere, oh</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Christmas is here</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">If you care, oh</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">If there is love in your heart and your mind</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">You will feel like Christmas all the time</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Suddenly, it
all made sense. I was inspired to bring back my kind of Christmas. I couldn’t
hold back the tears now. But they were tears of hope and joy not loneliness and
fear. I wanted to dance out and rediscover my passion for all things festive. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But, putting
that into practice when I left behind that safe, warm, school hall bursting
with innocence and promise was another story. Then, my own Christmas miracle
happened. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">One evening
my car broke down. Nothing miraculous about that I agree. More inconvenient and
annoying I’d say. They’re not the actual words I said but let’s not get caught
up in the detail. Anyway, when I finally got home, courtesy of a rather lovely
RAC man I might add, I went into a panic. How was I going to collect my
Christmas tree the next morning??? I know, “First World Problems” I hear you
mutter, but stick with me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I had no
husband to fall back on and everyone else with a big car was busy. What if they
sold all the bushy trees before I could find someone free to help me? I was
stumped, annoyingly dependent and, once again, quite obviously on my own. Then,
a spark of inspiration. I asked a friend if I could borrow her transit van to
bring the tree home and she said yes! I imagine I felt something of what Mary
may have experienced when she realised Joseph had a donkey to transport her and
her bump to Bethlehem. Or not. Anyway, suddenly I felt back in control.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, the very
next morn, with the kids in the back of the van supervising the tree that was poking
through to the front and bashing me on the head, I drove us all home from the
garden centre. And lo, there was music. But we didn’t make our journey
accompanied by the tuneful voice of Michael Bublé. Oh no. The kids were
composing, and singing at great volume, their version of “The 12 Days of
Christmas” all about food. Did they have 5 gold rings? No, they did not. They
had 5 onion rings! And did each verse end with a partridge in a pear tree?
Absolutely not! It was a par-snip that was hair-y! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">They sang
their hearts out, and I laughed so hard I cried… again! I was deliriously
happy. My family is awesome. We make an unbeatable team.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, I got my
Christmas magic back. We went out and bought new Christmas lights – indoor and
outdoor. I found a recipe for a chocolate Christmas pudding covered in
Maltesers that we can’t wait to attempt. And we have a new brightly lit sign in
the front window that simply says, “Joy”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I’m not
letting this spark inside me disappear. Santa will fill the kids’ stockings
this year as usual, but obviously he’s a helper down in our household so I had
thought it could be time for me to grow up and put my empty stocking away… Not
a chance! I’m keeping the dream alive for me and the kids by making sure my
stocking is full of things I love – some snuggly socks, a dark chocolate
orange, a mindfulness colouring book with pencils, a brain-bending puzzle, an
origami kit and a novel I can’t wait to read!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I feel you Christmas</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I know I've found you</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">You never fade away</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The joy of Christmas</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Stays here inside us</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #262626; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Fills each and every heart with love</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Whilst
you’re busy this Christmas trying to fulfill everyone else’s wishes, remember
what makes it special for you too. Your circumstances may be different, but
you’re still you inside. And you deserve a very happy Christmas. Choose to make
it happen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And to the
beautiful year 4 angel who helped me rediscover my Christmas mojo, thank you,
from the bottom of my heart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-15018314809705989502015-12-10T22:50:00.000+00:002016-02-22T14:21:27.351+00:00A Different Sort Of Singleton<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So why is
being suddenly single in our 40s so different to when we were single all those
years ago? Well, let me refresh your memory…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Being single
in my 20s was a breeze! Okay, maybe it didn’t feel like that at the time – a broken
heart and shattered dreams while people muttered about me being left on the
shelf and made tick-tock noises referring to my decaying eggs. There were
tears, without doubt, but life after a break up went on pretty much as before.
I’d get up, go to work, have a few drinks with my single friends, grab a
takeaway on the way home and nothing much really changed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEbrE7AtoyEJFPZbnauaTzG628RV05W-ZROKqNnfmG9_943S2NPaUra0yOkI62_CNARPDeeUdf2oGogKd5qAC0Liy1UQy2IOJCN_EZ67umaqwn0XgjGl1c1qUX4pMt1ltVR_a9z_SqqGU/s1600/Champagne+Bar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEbrE7AtoyEJFPZbnauaTzG628RV05W-ZROKqNnfmG9_943S2NPaUra0yOkI62_CNARPDeeUdf2oGogKd5qAC0Liy1UQy2IOJCN_EZ67umaqwn0XgjGl1c1qUX4pMt1ltVR_a9z_SqqGU/s1600/Champagne+Bar.jpg" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">At the
weekend, I could slide my skinny jeans up over my flat tummy, pop my boobs into
a pretty bra, apply a thin layer of makeup to my already smooth skin, slip some
cash and a door key into my pocket then go out wherever, whenever and with whomever
I wanted.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Don’t get me
wrong, I was nothing special and I didn’t have to employ staff to get the throng
of male suitors forming an orderly queue outside my front door. But I had my
fair share of dates. What was it Andie MacDowell said in Four Wedding And A
Funeral? “Less than Madonna, more than Princess Di.” Let’s leave it at that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Winding
forward to the 40-something single me is a different story. I have no full time
“proper” job as I stopped work to bring up the kids. My social circle mainly
involves under 12s critisising my menu choices and rolling their eyes when I
dare to suggest their clothes would stand a far better chance of getting washed
if they were in the vicinity of the linen basket rather than under their beds. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Obviously,
there are school mums I see too but we rarely have time to chat as we scream at
our charges to wipe the snot/last night’s ketchup/this morning’s toothpaste
(delete as applicable) off their faces before we’re judged as being the mother
who can’t really cope. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Then it’s a quick
dash into town to buy dinner, a yellow t-shirt and leggings for the perfect nativity
chicken costume, a birthday present for the kid your child adores but you secretly
despise, dishwasher tablets, washing machine tablets, headache tablets and wine.
Disclaimer: Note that these items should not be consumed together - including
the Fairy and Persil.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">That just
leaves a few minutes to empty the dishwasher, hoover up the spilled cereal, make
the beds, load the washing machine, finish the ironing, call the bank to
unblock my debit card, call BT to fix whatever it is they’ve broken this week,
book the car in for a service, walk the dog and put the bin out. Oh, and some
of us even try to fit in paid work too. I’ve also heard it said that some mums
take time out during their day to actually sit down long enough to eat lunch –
how decadent!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Then it’s
off again to collect the kids and argue about dinner, dessert, homework, showers
and the “no iPads in bed” rule. Finally, it’s time to turn out their lights and
stomp grumpily back downstairs. Of course, I then tip-toe back up 5 minutes
later to tell them how much I love them and tuck them in with one last cuddle just
in case the world implodes over night and the last thing they remember is my
shouty voice. I am human, you know.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, then, do
I hit the town, sipping cocktails and eyeing up the talent? No, because I’m totally
and utterly shattered. But if, by some miracle, I’ve found a smidge of energy
and someone both willing and available to stay with the kids for an evening, my
preparations are vastly different to all those years ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Kneading my flabby
wine belly into some M&S control knickers whilst eyeing the uncomfortably
snug jeans laughing at me from the wardrobe; piling my wayward, odd-sized boobs
into an old, somewhat saggy, once-white bra; climbing into my stiletto boots
wondering what on earth possessed me to buy them and if I can walk in them on
an even surface let alone make it down the stairs safely; layering on the
foundation and concealer to hide the wrinkles and bags; and finally packing a
handbag that resembles a small suitcase to hold my purse, phone, keys, emergency
make-up, nail file, hand cream, tissues, collapsible ballet pumps for when my
feet are crippled later and a notepad/pen combo – I like to be prepared for all
eventualities. And, these days ladies, one must also carry protection! No, I do
not mean a personal attack alarm and pepper spray, although it’s not a bad
idea. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, well you should! Ask your
teenage kids.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Anyway, my
point is, why bother? It takes forever and I still look like a sack of potatoes
next to those pert young women. Why would I ever want to stand in a bar next to
those svelte girls to be bypassed every single time by the guys ogling the fruit
marked “ripe and ready to eat” as opposed to “best before date expired”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Right, this
all sounds like doom and gloom and I can hear the gentle sobs and pitter-patter
of tears falling onto keyboards everywhere. So what’s my point? Let’s hope I’ve
got one eh?!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The thing
is, yes, the guys heading for those 20-something girls probably would bypass me.
And yes, I am a different person now in a different situation to the one I was
all those years ago. But… what’s so bad about that?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, I’m
saggier and baggier than I was. But it’s time that’s pulled that particular
gravitational trick on me. The same time that has enabled me to experience so
much of the world meaning I’m more knowledgeable, more streetwise, more aware
of media airbrushing, and less likely to fall for a chat up line designed merely
to get me into bed… unless that’s what I’m angling for on that particular
occasion. Don’t tell my mum I said that!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And, I have more
baggage too. More responsibility, more kids, more pets and more friends to consider.
Well, that means I also have more memories to hold onto, more stories to share,
more support to draw on and more love in my world. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I have
almost everything I dreamed of having when I was young. How lucky am I?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, I’ve
lost one element, my partner, and I’m experiencing some wobbles and insecurity in
the other areas as a result. It feels like I’m adrift on a boating lake in a
plastic canoe with no oars whilst everyone else is racing around on jet-skis
made for two. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But, right
now that’s fine. Without wanting to go overboard with the boating analogy
(sorry, I couldn’t resist), I know that my baggage is my anchor. My baggage
will always be with me, will follow me everywhere and will be my constant in
this fast changing world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I won’t
yearn for the single me of yesteryear. I won’t waste my days wondering whether,
if I’d made different choices back then, I’d be in a better position now. I am
who I am now and I’m fortunate enough to have accumulated along the way the
baggage I only dreamt of possessing all those years ago. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Be who you
are today. Trust me, you’re stronger than you think, more courageous than
you’ve ever believed and in possession of talents you didn’t know you had. It’s
time to find out who you are and what you’re capable of. Let’s show those young
girls what being a woman is all about!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">SPB<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4505608273096336310.post-15059787913419448912015-12-07T15:21:00.003+00:002016-02-22T14:16:05.969+00:00Single Plus Baggage<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">“How did I end up in this situation???”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I’ve lost
count of the number of times I’ve asked that question over the past 18 months. Sometimes
in my head, sometimes out loud. I’ve asked not only myself, but also my long
suffering dog, my close friends and on more than one occasion an unsuspecting
shop assistant with whom I’ve over shared.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">At 42, I find
myself single again. After 17 years in a stable relationship, 11 of them
married, I am once again on my own.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvJNzmIZ9bndYONZpH3dYSoaKzjLLivVSo2hTU0fhQyHXtZ9efU3wPBAWciFlygHrEgZdmxB_Y6xIrKUFluAR44_vcEsBciscancJpfyGxRdpYo3fAzGvpvHQM65gAHk1QEUw5aqhgLiE/s1600/Scrabble.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvJNzmIZ9bndYONZpH3dYSoaKzjLLivVSo2hTU0fhQyHXtZ9efU3wPBAWciFlygHrEgZdmxB_Y6xIrKUFluAR44_vcEsBciscancJpfyGxRdpYo3fAzGvpvHQM65gAHk1QEUw5aqhgLiE/s1600/Scrabble.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Don’t panic
– I’m not about to subject you to a blow-by-blow account of what’s been
happening in my world for the last few years. That would be self-indulgent and
probably bore me just as much as it would you. This isn’t a forum for me to
whine and moan about my life and my soon to be ex-husband, but to consider where
I am now and what happens next.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Like you, I
did my time looking for love. I found my soul mate, glided down the aisle,
bought the house, drove the car, had the kids, walked the dogs, went on the
holidays and suddenly, now it’s over. The life I had worked so hard to cultivate
and build has been blown apart. Instead of enjoying fine wines and family days
out, I find myself agonising over whether I should be ticking the “Mrs” or “Ms”
box on forms and cringing at the shame of having to categorise myself as
“separated”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bizarrely, I even miss
walking into the lounge and seeing him slumped on the sofa snoring while the
golf is blaring out of the TV. Well, maybe only a little bit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But I know
I’m not the only one. Since the separation I’ve become more conscious of other
single 40-somethings stumbling through, trying to patch up their world and
pretend to others looking in that everything’s just fine. Well, actually it’s
not fine. In fact it’s far from fine. Whether you’re separated, divorced or
widowed we have something in common. We are single… plus baggage.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The thing
is, after the dust has settled and your loving, supportive friends have gone
home to be with their families, you close your door and it’s just you. But it’s
not the single you from all those years ago. Oh no. It’s you, the kids, the
pets, the house, the job, the bills, the senile grandparents, the aging
parents… I could go on but you know where I’m coming from. Finding yourself
single in your 40s is a lot more complicated than just feeling lonely in a big
bed at night.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So where do
I go from here? What’s the next part of my story? Life hasn’t ended for me. I’m
still relatively young, although my kids would disagree. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">As I sit
here in this little café typing on my laptop I feel I am already taking a step
toward my future by writing this blog. By looking forwards and not backwards. I
feel like Sarah Jessica-Parker in Sex & The City ready to take on the world
with her girlfriends by her side. Great hair, lovely make-up, shoes to kill
for, sipping a latté and nibbling a granola bar whilst inspiring the masses
with her words of wisdom. Although I guess my world is a bit different. My
hair’s windswept but not in a good way - think Worzel Gummidge rather than J-Lo;
my “make-up” time this morning was replaced with “sew the button on my school
skirt that I forgot to tell you came off yesterday” time; my non-designer boots
are showing residual signs, and smells, of the dog poo I trod in on the school
run; plus I’m awaiting the arrival of my full English breakfast. Don’t judge
me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Ok, so this
blog isn’t quite Sex & The City. I live in the suburbs and I’m not entirely
sure if I’ll ever have sex again. What if it’s changed since I was last
available for offers??? I’m changing the subject. There’s so much more to the
new me than finding another man, or possibly woman, to share my life with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">It’s a brave
new world out there and I’m about to step forward and see what it’s got to
offer... assuming I can book a babysitter, obviously. So who’s with me?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Single Plus
Baggage (SPB)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;">xxx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Single Plus Baggagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01871392323149432917noreply@blogger.com2